#89 (+|-)
(Rated: -411)
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah. Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'
#243 (+|-)
(Rated: -301)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P
#123 (+|-)
(Rated: -421)
<Gonkster> when i worked for stagecoach, lass sat on periscope, no knicks on
<Gonkster> ffs, i nearly knocked down a building lol
<Gonkster> just saw this beaver winkin at me down periscope lol
#244 (+|-)
(Rated: -311)
Craig: Hopefully this will work
Craig: Yeast... it worked
Craig: Well....almost.. lol
Craig: that was meant to be 'yay'
#140 (+|-)
(Rated: -416)
<blitzoid> Goddamn... skid marks on underwear are bad, but you know you've been sitting for too long when you see them on your chair.
#252 (Rated: -270)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button
#263 (+|-)
(Rated: -226)
Jamie: Will you marry this Lenovo Laptop 😀
Craig: yep...lol
Jamie: I wonder how it would give the ring - perhaps 3D print it? lol
Jamie: With a printer linked by usb
Jamie:lol
"Will you take all they have - all 16Gb" 😮
Jamie: lol
Craig: dvd drive opens, and it's sitting on the tray😂
Jamie: "To hold and to cherish - to defragment every so often" lol
Jamie: lol
Craig: or.....the tray comes out, and becomes the ring
Jamie: That would be so "sweet" lol
Jamie: Or...
Jamie: the ring would be the weights in the mouse
Jamie: You just have to unlock the bottom
lol
Craig: Mark Zuckerberg is currently thinking 'what the fuck are those 2 going on about?'
#249 (+|-)
(Rated: -246)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st
#245 (+|-)
(Rated: -299)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)
#196 (+|-)
(Rated: -412)
Mario «~Mario@A1A3A8A4.66ADA0E3.10D4D702.IP» has Quit iRC (Broken pipe) «74 people»
<@Squirrel> well if anyone was going to fall down a broken pipe its best it was mario
#80 (+|-)
(Rated: -361)
<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT 2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am up 2287 days, 2:52, 25 users, load average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods
#72 (+|-)
(Rated: -414)
<@[S]W|Supey|Around> what the fcuk? a DVD enlargement system? did my two spam senders mix their titles?
#222 (+|-)
(Rated: -441)
Referring to peeling oranges:
Me: They need to make a machine that you can put a peeled orange into, and it comes out unpeeled
#120 (+|-)
(Rated: -459)
<+Neil> Hey rewq, I'm here if I can still assist you.
<+Neil> Let me take a minute to read the conversation (I just got back)
<+Neil> Alright, so, you said you've paid $2.95 for three months. What service did you sign up for?
<+Neil> Taking a look here, it seems you've signed up for our Prime package.
<+Neil> ..
<+Neil> And, I've been talking to myself, because ZNC decided not to tell me he quit.
#149 (+|-)
(Rated: -413)
* Red-Dr[a]gon was kicked by Atreyu (Testies 1 2 3 [kick count:247])
Red-Dr[a]gon (Red-Dragon@Embrace.The.Fire) has joined, but is a Clone of Red-Dragon «46 people»
Ownage sets mode: +ao Red-Dr[a]gon Red-Dr[a]gon
<Red-Dr[a]gon> is also in channels « &#Sarah`s-Office #Espanol &#support »
<Vanilla`Wafer> i read that as testicles
#130 (+|-)
(Rated: -443)
<~SpiderSheepy> you should have heard me lastnight :|
<~FuzzyFox> she was rather drunk for one
<~SpiderSheepy> i also danced on a pole
<~SpiderSheepy> lol
<+WhiteWolf> SpiderSheepy btw you ever figure out where those handcuffs came from ?
<~SpiderSheepy> with 2 strippers
<~FuzzyFox> Its cute how the more drunk she gets, the more welsh she sounds :P
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> no jason :S
<+WhiteWolf> you so go finger it out
<~FuzzyFox> Finger? :O
<~SpiderSheepy> o.O
<+Lodestone> i wonder if SpiderSheepy will do a pole dance for me when i see her this weekend :p
<~FuzzyFox> whos she fingering now
#257 (+|-)
(Rated: -296)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.
Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.
#198 (+|-)
(Rated: -397)
wtf....that didn't look as though I spelt housing right.
I asked my amazon echo to spell it...it gave me the spelling of helsinki instead:-|
Now it's telling me how to spell england:-S
stupid deaf alexa:-p
#87 (+|-)
(Rated: -399)
<Dyl4N>a mosquito landed on my screen and i went to right click on it and close it...
<Dyl4N>then i realized i should get out more
<Jesse>send me a screen shot
<Jesse>wait
#61 (+|-)
(Rated: -386)
MrHahn2265: she is my sister
MrHahn2265: words really cant descibe her
MrHahn2265: although I can attempt to describe her through massive bangings on the keyboard
MrHahn2265: l.kjnfvgfg8ifgudfbpoicxv'lk
MrHahn2265: woops i opened paint
#126 (+|-)
(Rated: -424)
<+AnImAtIoN> could be worse
<~SpiderSheepy> gah
<+AnImAtIoN> i could be like this
<+AnImAtIoN> Laught Out Loud
<~SpiderSheepy> can i ban him?
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> LAUGH*
<+Broxi> :O
<~SpiderSheepy> making me squint
<+Lefteris/Chat> xaaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxax
<+AnImAtIoN> read properly then
<~FuzzyFox> Please
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> OMG i thought you said it's making me squirt
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> i was like WHAT?
<+AnImAtIoN> rofl
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> sick lol
<+AnImAtIoN> yah mon
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> was about to ask if i could watch :/
#59 (+|-)
(Rated: -396)
WALLOP shadow: $ my throat is killing me.. anyone got tips how to reduce the pain?
WALLOP shadow: $ no, it's not caused by swallowing semen
WALLOP shadow: $ I don't think swallowing semen would help either
WALLOP shadow: $ I see.. so honey + lemon + warm milk/water would help
WALLOP shadow: $ no, I'm not going to mix up any semen with that
WALLOP shadow: $ I wonder what whiskey + warm milk would taste like
WALLOP shadow: $ No, I don't think it would taste like semen
WALLOP shadow: $ FINE! I'll try the semen, so shut up already!
#76 (+|-)
(Rated: -334)
<datacide> i just wanted to type shutdown -r now
<datacide> and what i typed was stfu -r now
<datacide> and for a moment...it looked as though the damn machine was gonna do soemthing
<datacide> like a....stfu hidden binary
#247 (+|-)
(Rated: -322)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)
#36 (+|-)
(Rated: -382)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha
#74 (+|-)
(Rated: -436)
<Tengu> I can has kitty?
<kjbrasda> i'll mail you one
<kjbrasda> first class
<HyperSquirrel> poke in air holes
<Gibbie> I don't think you should put holes in the kitty
#137 (+|-)
(Rated: -458)
<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"
#189 (+|-)
(Rated: -426)
<Charles> The best story involves a bestiality site. No, really, it does.
There was this bestiality site that used our software. I don't even remember what it was now but we would get calls quite often. People would call and say "I would like to cancel my account" and we would try to find them in our database. After quite a bit of looking we would say "well this is for IPS right" and they would say "no it's for animal lovers anonymous" ...
Then of course there's the awkward silence. Where you now know that the person on the other end of the phone likes Bambi a bit too much. So then you have to say "um I think you're calling the wrong people" ...
Then there's another awkward silence where THEY now know that YOU know that they enjoy cuddling with Snoopy on cold evenings.
It was a combination of creepy and amusing at the same time. This went on for a couple months actually.
#143 (+|-)
(Rated: -429)
* Vista mental note: don't EVER look up 'blue waffle' again:-|
<AzTech-Bot> lulz
<AzTech-Bot> omg
<AzTech-Bot> lulz
<AzTech-Bot> my sides hurt so bad
<Vista> it wasn't so much that....it was the other images on the site I found the image on:-S
#116 (+|-)
(Rated: -379)
<@Angie`> omgg painnnn
<~Availea> Glad we could come to a compromise :D
* ~Availea snuggles Angie` and rubs her back
<@Angie`> i think it may be gas cause everytime it cramps i fart lol
#78 (+|-)
(Rated: -431)
<Commander> whoa that's not good
<Commander> the end of my mobile plug (plugged into the USB port on my PC) was sitting in the side of a potplant IN WATER
<Commander> i pulled it out and it said "new usb device found"
<Commander> =/
<Commander> dunno how long it's been sitting there for
<CompHobbyist> new USB device found: potted plant v.001
<CompHobbyist> power usage for this device: -10W
#265 (+|-)
(Rated: -142)
Craig: I tried relinking his ring
*I was talking about a ring doorbell account, but instead sounded a bit dirty*
#92 (+|-)
(Rated: -435)
<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't your first guess? God dammit.
#63 (+|-)
(Rated: -493)
from AusHost - Your vhost of Listening.To.Hard.Trance.From.My.ShoutCast.Server is now activated.
• Ace [~admin@Serving.Hard.Trance.From.My.ShoutCast.Server] has joined #4-IRC
#262 (+|-)
(Rated: -227)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: 🤣
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol
#49 (+|-)
(Rated: -374)
<space> got any good tunes to spare?
<ToRMeNTeD> tons
<ToRMeNTeD> what kind
<space> whatever
<space> im easy
<ToRMeNTeD> thas what Im listening to now
<space> lol shit i got no speakers yet brb
<ToRMeNTeD> askin fer music wif no speakas
<ToRMeNTeD> sprocket what are we gonna do wif you
<PsyHawk> like a blind man asking for magnifying glass
<ToRMeNTeD> classic
<space> heheh lame award
<space> im like that fucker sent me blank tracks
#81 (Rated: -379)
*** [ircnic] (ircnic@couldnt.find.condoms.so.I.used.my.leftsock.com) has left #trance
#194 (+|-)
(Rated: -401)
<Javin> God I need to do laundry.
<Javin> At this point, the underwear I wear are the first ones I'm able to catch.
<Doh_> catch?
<Doh_> you mean there mOVING?
<Javin> Not as fast as the socks, but yes.
<Doh_> heh
#141 (+|-)
(Rated: -461)
<D|S-Alias> my balls are in such gay positions
<D|S-Alias> they are all on one side in a cluster
<D|S-random> i fuckin hate that
<D|S-random> when they stick to ur leg
<D|S-random> ER
<D|S-random> i just wanna rip them off
<D|S-Alias> im talking about pool yo
#153 (+|-)
(Rated: -446)
<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones. Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.
#182 (+|-)
(Rated: -362)
<grapenuts> green, blue, golden piss color... its all the same once it hits your blood, it's all sugar
<grapenuts> Andromeda: 'cept the flesh of a slaughtered cow
<@Andromeda> actually its mostly ginseng
<grapenuts> or pigs
<@Andromeda> which is worse
*I joined the server to see this bizzare conversation*
#169 (+|-)
(Rated: -400)
* fire_star is now marked as away: brb
|*|owner/host WackyDude has dehosted fire_star
* WackyDude sets mode: -a fire_star
|*|owner/host WackyDude has voiced fire_star
* fire_star has returned
|*|owner/host WackyDude has made fire_star a host
* WackyDude sets mode: +a fire_star
|+v|Broxi| Fuck its back, hide.
#291 (+|-)
(Rated: 1)
Craig: When do you fly back to the US
Jess: That's currently up in the air
Jess: No pun intended
#167 (+|-)
(Rated: -427)
<+|neo|> FUCK!!!!!!!!!
<+|neo|> fucking donut
<+|neo|> this is gay
<+|neo|> i bit my lip while eating this donut
<+|neo|> hurt like a bitch
<+|neo|> bout 5 secs later i bit it in the same place again
<+|neo|> then it started bleeding
<@Decco> lol
<+|neo|> then about 20 secs ago i bit the same part again
<sic6sic> neo....dont move
<sic6sic> just....dont move
#146 (+|-)
(Rated: -407)
<+x_LiL_Sophie_x> Broxi are you horny?
<+Broxi> Yes and i wont stop till my vagina bounces off!
#228 (+|-)
(Rated: -428)
Craig: ooh....nice....bill gates apparantly wants to give me a 5 million dollar 'donation'
Craig: lol
Craig: makes me wonder how many poeple actually fall for those e-mails
Craig: actually....it's not a donation he wants to give me...it's a 'dontion'
Craig: lol
Craig: makes it look even less legit when they can't spell properly