Quote Database

#272 (+|-) (Rated: -4)
Jamie: it teaxks you apparently
Jamie: telracks
Jamie: tracks!

#271 (+|-) (Rated: 3)
Jamie: whilst my other hand is on other things it's hard

#270 (+|-) (Rated: -5)
Jamie: Cashpoint is being fixed by an engineer oiling the rollers
Jamie: I wish he would put the machine back together he's been rubbing a rod for ages

#269 (Rated: -20)
Jamie: pooping in Tesco now lol
Jamie: popping😨

#268 (Rated: -26)
Craig: I took some zapain earlier
Craig: hasn't really made a difference though
Jamie: ah co cosmological
Jamie: wtf
Jamie: stipulated autocorrect

#267 (Rated: -17)
Jamie: but.. it was months after I looked that up by which time I already stopped and I'm not taking the tablets again in case it was the omezeopropofololol

#266 (+|-) (Rated: -59)
Jamie: T last lol
Jamie: a
Jamie: lol
Jamie: I'm saluvotatong

#265 (+|-) (Rated: -43)
Craig: I tried relinking his ring
*I was talking about a ring doorbell account, but instead sounded a bit dirty*

#264 (Rated: -75)
Craig: there's someone on youtube who buys konkcoffs and reviews them
Craig: wtf????
Craig: *knockoffs

#263 (Rated: -96)
Jamie: Will you marry this Lenovo Laptop 😀
Craig: yep...lol
Jamie: I wonder how it would give the ring - perhaps 3D print it? lol
Jamie: With a printer linked by usb
Jamie:lol
"Will you take all they have - all 16Gb" 😮
Jamie: lol
Craig: dvd drive opens, and it's sitting on the tray😂
Jamie: "To hold and to cherish - to defragment every so often" lol
Jamie: lol
Craig: or.....the tray comes out, and becomes the ring
Jamie: That would be so "sweet" lol
Jamie: Or...
Jamie: the ring would be the weights in the mouse
Jamie: You just have to unlock the bottom
lol
Craig: Mark Zuckerberg is currently thinking 'what the fuck are those 2 going on about?'

#262 (Rated: -83)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: 🤣
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol

#261 (Rated: -96)
Jamie Robinson: toad in the road
Jamie Robinson: autocorrect 😂
Craig Turner: Nope...a roast....but not road in the hole
Jamie Robinson: lol
Craig Turner: Fuck
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: wtf lol
Craig Turner: *toad....lol🤣
Jamie Robinson: fuck the toad?
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: or the road 😱
Jamie Robinson: it'll explode lol
Jamie Robinson: that rhymes with toad 😉
Craig Turner: 🤣
Jamie Robinson: I do believe that's the most abstract chat.. I've ever done lol
Craig Turner: Lmao🤣

#260 (Rated: -147)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#259 (Rated: -151)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#258 (Rated: -145)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#257 (+|-) (Rated: -178)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.

Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.

#256 (Rated: -177)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)

#254 (+|-) (Rated: -163)
Craig: probably won't look quite as good as the one I had, but it's the taste that matters....not the looks

#253 (+|-) (Rated: -172)
Lol... The ultimate dark mode... Being put under anaesthetic 😂

#252 (+|-) (Rated: -154)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer  updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button

#251 (Rated: -238)
10 PRINT "Question: Are you going to switch to Linux?"
20 PRINT"Reply: No, I've told you this already"
30 PRINT"lol :D"
20 GOTO 10

#250 (+|-) (Rated: -160)
Jamie: I may be on and offline more whilst I struggle cough I mean experiment with Linux and grapple the bootstrap

#249 (Rated: -161)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#248 (Rated: -201)
I've worked on DNS for 20 years, can someone clue me in on this fustercluck?

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#246 (Rated: -207)
Jamie: lol nice - next time you order something - buy a taser too - so you can zap the delivery driver and take the remaining stock
"Jamie - promoting ethics in society"

#245 (+|-) (Rated: -258)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)

#244 (Rated: -213)
Craig: Hopefully this will work
Craig: Yeast... it worked
Craig: Well....almost.. lol
Craig: that was meant to be 'yay'

#243 (Rated: -235)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P

#242 (+|-) (Rated: -198)
So, not only will Google know when I have been searching for porn on the internet, it will now also know how fast my hand has been moving immediately afterwards! 🤒🤒
Not that I ever look for porn on the internet of course....just asking for a friend!

#241 (Rated: -239)
Ellie Wright: Is there a cow shortage that I'm unaware of?

#240 (+|-) (Rated: -227)
Jamie: I hope they don't link up the 3.5" floppy lol. There will be no response
Jamie: Controller is knackered

#239 (Rated: -255)
Jamie: I'd love to link up my 3.5" floppy with a computer, but the conductivity of my skin is not enough.

#238 (+|-) (Rated: -286)
Jamie: lol all those days I used to pound the 3.5" floppy lol

#237 (Rated: -194)
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

#236 (+|-) (Rated: -305)
Craig: hmmm....thought I was going mad then....forgot how to change who I show up as when liking page poasts..lol
Craig: and wtf is a poast????
Craig: lol

#228 (+|-) (Rated: -324)
Craig: ooh....nice....bill gates apparantly wants to give me a 5 million dollar 'donation'
Craig: lol
Craig: makes me wonder how many poeple actually fall for those e-mails
Craig: actually....it's not a donation he wants to give me...it's a 'dontion'
Craig: lol
Craig: makes it look even less legit when they can't spell properly

#226 (Rated: -332)
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

#222 (Rated: -346)
Referring to peeling oranges:

Me: They need to make a machine that you can put a peeled orange into,  and it comes out unpeeled

#220 (+|-) (Rated: -308)
<Tracer[Quoting]> a friend of mine told me once that he is so unlucky that if he would fall into a barrel of nipples, he would come out sucking his thumb
<eelhovercraft> The concept of a barrel full of nipples frightens me

#219 (+|-) (Rated: -326)
Craig Turner: /me loads up the quote database, and gently strokes his screen while thinking how wierd it looks

#218 (+|-) (Rated: -341)
Craig: yep
Craig: I'll keep everything crossed for you
Craig: hmm....actually...maybe not everything *winces*
😜
Zac: Don't cross your balls, they will turn blue. And blue balls aren't a good thing LOL
Zac: OMG stop reading my mind 😕
Craig: lol

#215 (Rated: -326)
Darkpsy__ (~ident@71.60.142.24) has joined, but is a Clone of Guest9205  «6 people»
Guest9205 «~ident@71.60.142.24» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) «5 people»
<Vista> lol....it's getting longer O_O

#214 (Rated: -320)
<.Vista> so enabling the firewall just changes the route on the switch to send it fm thereo the firewall
<.Vista> and damn that sentence really got messed up:-|
<.Vista> I think my insert key got pressed somehow
<.Vista> which is odd as this laptop doesn't appear to have an insert key
<.Vista> ah...it does....just noticed it
<.Vista> insert was disabled

#213 (Rated: -324)
* .Vista yawns
<.Ace> Ace shoves a whole pizza in Vista 's mouth and laughs while watching them choke
* .Vista ynaws
<.Ace> Ace svheos a wohle pziza ni Vista 's mtouh nad lhguas wihle wtchniag tehm cohke:-P

#212 (Rated: -268)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#211 (Rated: -312)
<Vista> I forgot you were logged into it
<Vista> firewall might have got you
<Vista> one sex
<Vista> *sec

#210 (+|-) (Rated: -289)
[Lord-Data] Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?

#206 (Rated: -318)
Ace (ecA@legend-7494CF05.csc2ya.co.uk) has joined, but is a Clone of Vista & Vista  «4 people»