Quote Database

#289 (+|-) (Rated: -1)
Jessica: phone my doesn't have 5G
Jessica: my phone*
Craig: like yoda that was hmmm

#278 (+|-) (Rated: -92)
Jamie: now I smell like manhole

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -258)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#243 (Rated: -303)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P

#280 (+|-) (Rated: -50)
Jamie: I've had to delete the profile folder again 😮
Jamie: I've completely lost my technical skill 😮
Jamie: first - I fuck up the installation then forget how I did it all
Jamie: now I've restored everything and am going round in circles
Jamie: memory like a goldfish

#276 (+|-) (Rated: -125)
Jamie: fucking pudgeova
*he meant pigeon apparantly*

#116 (+|-) (Rated: -379)
<@Angie`> omgg painnnn
<~Availea> Glad we could come to a compromise :D
* ~Availea snuggles Angie` and rubs her back
<@Angie`> i think it may be gas cause everytime it cramps i fart lol

#137 (+|-) (Rated: -459)
<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -323)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#274 (+|-) (Rated: -156)
Jamie: fuck I just accidentally took dulcolax instead of paracetamol
Jamie: the packets look the same
Jamie: fuck lol
Craig: whatever you do....don't fart😂

#37 (+|-) (Rated: -375)
<+Dr_Link> SSL certificate: $30.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Dell mainframe server: $1.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Discount cupon: -$80,000.
<+Dr_Link> Getting hacked by a POST injection: Priceless.

#76 (+|-) (Rated: -333)
<datacide> i just wanted to type shutdown -r now
<datacide> and what i typed was stfu -r now
<datacide> and for a moment...it looked as though the damn machine was gonna do soemthing
<datacide> like a....stfu hidden binary

#78 (+|-) (Rated: -429)
<Commander> whoa that's not good
<Commander> the end of my mobile plug (plugged into the USB port on my PC) was sitting in the side of a potplant IN WATER
<Commander> i pulled it out and it said "new usb device found"
<Commander> =/
<Commander> dunno how long it's been sitting there for
<CompHobbyist> new USB device found: potted plant v.001
<CompHobbyist> power usage for this device: -10W

#57 (+|-) (Rated: -329)
<RDrR> FUCK FUCK FUCK
<RDrR> i was tryin to do that spray whippd cream snorting thing
<RDrR> i filled my entire fukin nasal cavity with whipped cream
<RDrR> fuck its bleedin

#256 (Rated: -269)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#50 (+|-) (Rated: -396)
<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set

#145 (+|-) (Rated: -409)
<FuzzyFox-Away> A 1 million pound prize was offered to any university who could explain why the end of a mans penis is helmet shaped.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Cambridge concluded it was to give the man more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Oxford concluded it was to give the woman more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The 'university' of Glasgow spent the afternoon in the pub and concluded it was to stop your hand slipping off.

#70 (+|-) (Rated: -431)
<Mog> Anyone else having extreme AIM problems?
<Seifer> Nope.
<rabid_si[FFX]> Yeah. I can't seem to fuckin' pee in the bowl today. >:
<rabid_si[FFX]> It's all up the fuckin' walls.
<rabid_si[FFX]> Er...
<rabid_si[FFX]> Oh.
<Mog> ...
<Seifer> Lol.
<rabid_si[FFX]> You mean AOL Instant Messenger.
<rabid_si[FFX]> Right...
* rabid_si[FFX] whistles.

#219 (+|-) (Rated: -402)
Craig Turner: /me loads up the quote database, and gently strokes his screen while thinking how wierd it looks

#263 (+|-) (Rated: -224)
Jamie: Will you marry this Lenovo Laptop 😀
Craig: yep...lol
Jamie: I wonder how it would give the ring - perhaps 3D print it? lol
Jamie: With a printer linked by usb
Jamie:lol
"Will you take all they have - all 16Gb" 😮
Jamie: lol
Craig: dvd drive opens, and it's sitting on the tray😂
Jamie: "To hold and to cherish - to defragment every so often" lol
Jamie: lol
Craig: or.....the tray comes out, and becomes the ring
Jamie: That would be so "sweet" lol
Jamie: Or...
Jamie: the ring would be the weights in the mouse
Jamie: You just have to unlock the bottom
lol
Craig: Mark Zuckerberg is currently thinking 'what the fuck are those 2 going on about?'

#206 (Rated: -408)
Ace (ecA@legend-7494CF05.csc2ya.co.uk) has joined, but is a Clone of Vista & Vista  «4 people»

#89 (+|-) (Rated: -412)
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah.  Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'

#271 (+|-) (Rated: -158)
Jamie: whilst my other hand is on other things it's hard

#194 (+|-) (Rated: -401)
<Javin> God I need to do laundry.
<Javin> At this point, the underwear I wear are the first ones I'm able to catch.
<Doh_> catch?
<Doh_> you mean there mOVING?
<Javin> Not as fast as the socks, but yes.
<Doh_> heh

#283 (+|-) (Rated: -70)
Jamie: it was spurting from the hose

#163 (+|-) (Rated: -426)
<&George> im freezin
<+Broxi> YOU'RE freezin? feel these nipples!
<+Roxi> YOU'RE freezin? feel my fanny!

#136 (+|-) (Rated: -410)
<Griffin> how are you Anrdi?
<andri> where are you came from?
<Griffin> usa
<Griffin> you?
<andri> are you sure?
<andri> i'm indonesian
<~Vista> nope....still haven't bothered fixing that menu
<andri> are ypu chick?
<andri> you
<Griffin> no im man
<andri> i'm looking for a chick man hahaha
andri (novaldyand@623B88FE.E8F009AA.2B18E8FB.IP) has parted. «12 people»
<~Vista> wtf???:-S

#282 (+|-) (Rated: -52)
Jamie: *chokes on my onion*

#259 (Rated: -284)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#172 (Rated: -435)
* %Angie streaks
<+Red-Dragon> >.>
<Vista> stupid thing doesn't seem to like static ip configs
* +Red-Dragon looks
* %Angie streaks by again
<%Angie> :p
* +Red-Dragon watches again
* +Tidus takes a vid
<%Angie> :O
<%Angie> that'll be 3 payments of 39.99 please
<+Sess> lol
<+Tidus> plus s&h?
<%Angie> no
<%Angie> free S&H
<+Red-Dragon> not for me i got other payment methods :P
<+Tidus> shweet
<%Angie> you get freebies :p videos i charge for hah
* Vista gets on his bike to chase Angie, but then realizes he's too out of shape, falls off and lays on the ground panting:-|
<%Angie> lmfao
* %Angie hands Vista albuterol
<+Red-Dragon> PDA!

#63 (+|-) (Rated: -494)
from AusHost     - Your vhost of Listening.To.Hard.Trance.From.My.ShoutCast.Server is now activated.
                    • Ace [~admin@Serving.Hard.Trance.From.My.ShoutCast.Server] has joined #4-IRC

#174 (+|-) (Rated: -461)
|+p|Debi| Mine is flapping pointlessly somewhere round my ankles.
|+p|Athena| Wb Hellspawn.
|+p|Debi| thooper
|+p|Debi| Say, do you want to see a movie?
* LegendaryIRC sets mode: +h HellSpawn
|+p|Debi| i'm keeping quiet except for the odd fondle and humping

#183 (+|-) (Rated: -459)
<@Andromeda> we only have like 60 dns' :P
<twink|es-> ohh i like it when you talk to me in chinese
<twink|es-> -_-
<Debi> ;)
<@Andromeda> 60 addresses
<@Andromeda> lol

#187 (+|-) (Rated: -394)
<Baby-d> I set up a shoutcast last night while I was pretty wasted, it's fuckin tight though
<SilverJag> I guess
<Baby-d> you guess!?!
<Baby-d> show some more enthusiasim!
<Baby-d> :)
<SilverJag> I cant I have diahreaa

#175 (+|-) (Rated: -454)
night98|away «night98@boy.from.venus» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus crazy.janus) «98 people»
TBBTNut «~tbbtnut@netadmin.TBBTNet.com» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus tbbt.janus) «97 people»
night98 «~night98@boy.from.venus» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus tbbt.janus) «96 people»
<+one_eight_seven> (Netsplit Detector) Netsplit between TBBTNet.janus and crazy.janus - Invincible
<+one_eight_seven> (Netsplit Detector) Netsplit between TBBTNet.janus and tbbt.janus - Invincible

*Can't help thinking that's like getting hit by a car and being told afterwards 'there's a car coming'*

#83 (+|-) (Rated: -410)
<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

#98 (Rated: -374)
<@Vista> Operating System Platform:«Microsoft Windows 7 Professional» UpTime:«5 Days 20 Hours 1 Minute 4 Seconds» Record UpTime:«5 Days 19 Hours 58 Minutes 46 Seconds» —I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n—

#46 (+|-) (Rated: -417)
Craig - In Trance we Trust says:
yeah.....latest version....3.2.8.1
hmmmm....my wireless is going screwy
says i'm connected to BTHomeHub-C316(unsecured)
which is the right ssid....but it's not unsecured
[UFP]Darkpsy says:
i'll see if i can connect to it to see if it went unsecured
wait'
Craig - In Trance we Trust says:
ummmmm.....you're a little bit too far away
[UFP]Darkpsy says:
thats impossible
Craig - In Trance we Trust says:
lmao

#288 (+|-) (Rated: -7)
Jessica: Yeah that’s lead acid
Jessica: At least that kind doesn’t forget it’s a battery over time

#272 (+|-) (Rated: -177)
Jamie: it teaxks you apparently
Jamie: telracks
Jamie: tracks!

#85 (+|-) (Rated: -378)
<Fury> dude! The power just went out in the house and all over the city.
<Fury> everything is off =X
<Fury> fuck its so dark. this fucking sucks.
<Angelic[X]> Why are you still here?
     —› quit: (Fury) (siren@2c4e124f.19108886.cable.ntl.com) (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

#284 (+|-) (Rated: -58)
<r3pwn> Pretty sure something just exploded next door
<r3pwn> but I still have power so I'm okay
<IllegalArgument> Exploding things next door tend to not be good...
<r3pwn> There's no screaming (the neighbors whose house the sound came from have like 6 kids), so I guess it's okay
<IllegalArgument> Either it was insignificant enough not to warrant screaming, or they all perished in the blast

#265 (Rated: -145)
Craig: I tried relinking his ring
*I was talking about a ring doorbell account, but instead sounded a bit dirty*

#113 (+|-) (Rated: -399)
Jamie Robinson: Ta for the links luckily it is for someone at work so i dont have to get any viri lol
Craig Turner: lol
Jamie Robinson: Im fed up of viri avast report its own virus definitions update as infected the other day lol

#71 (+|-) (Rated: -412)
<SypaNick> You get fisher price sql with MS
<SypaNick> My first SQL server.

#143 (Rated: -433)

* Vista mental note: don't EVER look up 'blue waffle' again:-|
<AzTech-Bot> lulz
<AzTech-Bot> omg
<AzTech-Bot> lulz
<AzTech-Bot> my sides hurt so bad
<Vista> it wasn't so much that....it was the other images on the site I found the image on:-S

#48 (+|-) (Rated: -358)
<kittense> that's like kiddy porn or something:?
<HolloW> its porn with a baby in it but i wouldnt classify it as kiddy porn
<kittense> i wonder what more people look at
<kittense> the cooter or the baby
<kittense> the baby is much cuter
<kittense> that is one ugly cooter
<HolloW> what is a cooter?
<kittense> you never had a cooter?
<HolloW> i just dont know what it is
<kittense> snatch
<kittense> you know what snatch is?
<HolloW> no
<kittense> poontang?
<HolloW> a word that may exist in the english dictionary?
<kittense> umm
<kittense> pussy?
<kittense> cunt?
<kittense> twat?
<kittense> any of those ring a bell?
<HolloW> got it

#149 (+|-) (Rated: -412)
* Red-Dr[a]gon was kicked by Atreyu (Testies 1 2 3 [kick count:247])
Red-Dr[a]gon (Red-Dragon@Embrace.The.Fire) has joined, but is a Clone of Red-Dragon  «46 people»
Ownage sets mode: +ao Red-Dr[a]gon Red-Dr[a]gon
<Red-Dr[a]gon> is also in channels « &#Sarah`s-Office #Espanol &#support »
<Vanilla`Wafer> i read that as testicles

#215 (Rated: -376)
Darkpsy__ (~ident@71.60.142.24) has joined, but is a Clone of Guest9205  «6 people»
Guest9205 «~ident@71.60.142.24» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) «5 people»
<Vista> lol....it's getting longer O_O

#126 (+|-) (Rated: -425)
<+AnImAtIoN> could be worse
<~SpiderSheepy> gah
<+AnImAtIoN> i could be like this
<+AnImAtIoN> Laught Out Loud
<~SpiderSheepy> can i ban him?
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> LAUGH*
<+Broxi> :O
<~SpiderSheepy> making me squint
<+Lefteris/Chat> xaaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxax
<+AnImAtIoN> read properly then
<~FuzzyFox> Please
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> OMG i thought you said it's making me squirt
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> i was like WHAT?
<+AnImAtIoN> rofl
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> sick lol
<+AnImAtIoN> yah mon
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> was about to ask if i could watch :/