Quote Database

#245 (+|-) (Rated: -258)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)

#52 (Rated: -347)
A user on a network being really mature until I killed them *rolls eyes* They kept flooding so I kicked them, then this stupid exchange occurred:

   Geo             • jsdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    to  operserv    • kick
                    • OperServ [services@4-irc.com] has kicked Geo [Vista (stop flooding)]
                    • Geo [Geo@223D0935.8561C061.549CE784.IP] has joined #4-IRC
     Geo             • fuck
    +Ace             • i'd rather not thanks;)
   +Ace             • i don't have the right 'attachments':-P
     Geo             • »Vista« fuck your mother
    Geo             • »Ace« fuck your mother
     Geo             • »Vista« fuck Ace mother
     Geo             • »Ace« fuck Vista's mother
   @Vista           • wow...real mature

from AgeOfMythology.4-IRC.Com - *** Permanent K:Line added for *@91.204.190.36 on Sat Sep 5 19:04:48 2009 GMT (from Vista!~vista@NetAdmin.4-IRC.Com: nice try)
from AgeOfMythology.4-IRC.Com - *** Notice -- Client exiting: Geo (Geo@91.204.190.36) [User is permanently banned (nice try)]

#79 (+|-) (Rated: -310)
<LabMonkey> ok riddle me this
<LabMonkey> I open the pack of cigarettes
<LabMonkey> pull out one
<LabMonkey> pick up my lighter
<LabMonkey> put the cigarette back in the pack
<LabMonkey> then try to light my nose...
<LabMonkey> What the fuck, over.

#178 (+|-) (Rated: -348)
<Grid> Hey Psyko, if the world was gonna end in 3 minutes, what would you do?
<Psyko> I'D SCREW ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!! What would you do?
<Grid> ... ... ... I'd stand very very still. o.o;

#222 (Rated: -346)
Referring to peeling oranges:

Me: They need to make a machine that you can put a peeled orange into,  and it comes out unpeeled

#104 (+|-) (Rated: -262)
<~Availea> WTF?
<~Availea> Did a cat walk across your bf?
<~Availea> fb*
<~Availea> kb*
<~Availea> OMFG

#51 (Rated: -271)
<jws> You just *know* you have a virus when you see this:
<jws> (D:) Local Disk
<jws> Total size: 66631337 GB

#165 (Rated: -336)
<+Steve0> Googlebot lol silly bot
<.Vista> I remember when I used php-nuke
<.Vista> it got stuck following links on the calender
<+Steve0> LOL!
<.Vista> I think it got to 2056 before I booted it's ip

#236 (+|-) (Rated: -305)
Craig: hmmm....thought I was going mad then....forgot how to change who I show up as when liking page poasts..lol
Craig: and wtf is a poast????
Craig: lol

#105 (+|-) (Rated: -280)
Referring to a comment about an annoyed looking cat: Thats some angry pussy you have got there!

#150 (+|-) (Rated: -344)
Teacher asks her class for a 12 letter word, student says "masturbation" teacher says "my, that's a mouthful"  student says "no your thinking of a blow job."

#41 (+|-) (Rated: -300)
<Helix> fuck
<Helix> my back right tire is flat
<Helix> this is lame
<Owashawa> change it and put the spare on
<Owashawa> problem solved
<Helix> then i have to change it
<Helix> and its cold
<Helix> and wet and shit
<irn> You fucking girl
<irn> get out there
<irn> What if your wife's water broke and you had to take her to hospital, eh?
<Helix> it'd make it
<Helix> besides, that's what ambulances are for
<irn> what if your vehicle IS the ambulance?
<Helix> ill know a thing or two about assiting birth
<Helix> besides, im gay and exempt from your question
<irn> What if your boyfriend got stuck in an inflatable suit during a balloon fetish romp?
<Helix> id masterbate until i passed out

#265 (+|-) (Rated: -43)
Craig: I tried relinking his ring
*I was talking about a ring doorbell account, but instead sounded a bit dirty*

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#249 (Rated: -161)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#121 (+|-) (Rated: -311)
<.Cemtex> .joke
<.Eco>  Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't have them if they were called cunt scrapes.

#154 (+|-) (Rated: -302)
* +NuttyAsh slaps FuzzyFox around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 143. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +NuttyAsh slaps Ace around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 144. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +rangerz attaches c4 and detonates
* +NuttyAsh dies
<+Cat> lol @ Ash going on a rampage

#73 (+|-) (Rated: -284)
(lawngrl): im gonna insert my ipod in my vagina tonight and go to sleep i love it so much
(Fire_on_High): I'm quite sure that'll void your warranty

#161 (+|-) (Rated: -340)
<Nightmare> bad timing for a disconnect
<Nightmare> i accidentally busted my pudding all over the floor

#86 (+|-) (Rated: -339)
<MightyBlueJustice> I need to jack a hole in this floor so I can get the internet hooked up to the comp in the basement.
<MightyBlueJustice> I need more power tools
<MKDemon> You don't have a drill?
<MightyBlueJustice> We do somewhere.
<MightyBlueJustice> All I can find is a power sander and I just don't have that kind of time.

#163 (+|-) (Rated: -337)
<&George> im freezin
<+Broxi> YOU'RE freezin? feel these nipples!
<+Roxi> YOU'RE freezin? feel my fanny!

#106 (+|-) (Rated: -306)
Anne (34171613@xC-3088C7E4.as13285.net) has joined. «36 people»
Alice sets mode: +v Anne
<+Anne> hi
<+henk506673> hi
<+Anne> Hex are you there?

*Another one talking to a bot*

#185 (+|-) (Rated: -269)
<GimpChimp> I'm going to rape it. And tell the court it lead me on with its suggestive icon-wiggling.
<GimpChimp> Just as soon as I work out the technical details of raping an Internet window.

#80 (+|-) (Rated: -279)
<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT 2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am  up 2287 days,  2:52, 25 users,  load average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods

#101 (Rated: -293)
<@Vista> oops:-S
* @Vista makes a mental note: make sure you configure things properly....you don't get over 2000 emails about a cron job error in a mailbox that's never checked then:-|

#137 (+|-) (Rated: -334)
<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"

#173 (Rated: -330)
<+Trixie> Say, you're full of organs aren't you? and you wouldn't "notice" if you were missing a few?

#130 (+|-) (Rated: -330)
<~SpiderSheepy> you should have heard me lastnight :|
<~FuzzyFox> she was rather drunk for one
<~SpiderSheepy> i also danced on a pole
<~SpiderSheepy> lol
<+WhiteWolf> SpiderSheepy btw you ever figure out where those handcuffs came from ?
<~SpiderSheepy> with 2 strippers
<~FuzzyFox> Its cute how the more drunk she gets, the more welsh she sounds :P
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> no jason :S
<+WhiteWolf> you so go finger it out
<~FuzzyFox> Finger? :O
<~SpiderSheepy> o.O
<+Lodestone> i wonder if SpiderSheepy will do a pole dance for me when i see her this weekend :p
<~FuzzyFox> whos she fingering now

#146 (+|-) (Rated: -298)
<+x_LiL_Sophie_x> Broxi are you horny?
<+Broxi> Yes and i wont stop till my vagina bounces off!

#118 (+|-) (Rated: -281)
Craig - ChatNSN Radio is back online - http://radio.csc2ya.co.uk:8000;): Message may have not been sent because a timeout occurred:
Mini: its puttin me in time out im not a damn kid
Mini: *pouts*
<SharkTooth> dont even think of qdb'in that

#69 (+|-) (Rated: -293)
<port-> well peace out fuckers
<port-> im done with soa
<port-> email me if u want to talk, odoyle has the address.
* port- sets mode: -o port-
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left #soangels
<ap0c> heh
<ap0c> he'll be back
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has joined #soangels
<port-> god damn autojoin
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left #soangels

#109 (+|-) (Rated: -312)
<+sb> @ Anna plz tell me who is besides
<+Anna> I'd strongly advise against buggering ANY staffmember through email about the script. Make a thread in the forums and they *might* answer eventually
<+sb> uhooooooo
<+sb> i found it
<+sb> http://code.google.com/p/eris-flash-irc-client/
<+sb> check and tell me
<+sb> how to use it
<+Anna> I don't KNOW what script was setup here, and I was NOT part of setting it up, so I would have no clue on that
<+Anna> there's hopefully instructions included
<+barefoot> Anna ... you might not want to use "buggering"  in the future
<+Anna> ok
<+Sierra> Oh god, nice typo

#151 (+|-) (Rated: -320)
<Swift> I need lemonade.
<dmc2> I hate it when my sound goes blurry.
<supakoopa> i hate when my video gets loud.

#183 (+|-) (Rated: -322)
<@Andromeda> we only have like 60 dns' :P
<twink|es-> ohh i like it when you talk to me in chinese
<twink|es-> -_-
<Debi> ;)
<@Andromeda> 60 addresses
<@Andromeda> lol

#40 (+|-) (Rated: -289)
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#62 (+|-) (Rated: -335)
<MystyGlyttyr> No, had to spank the cat for crawling up on the gun cabinet.
<Vennie> Next time just leave them loaded and let the problem solve itself
<MystyGlyttyr> Nah, it's not my cat.

#260 (Rated: -147)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#270 (+|-) (Rated: -5)
Jamie: Cashpoint is being fixed by an engineer oiling the rollers
Jamie: I wish he would put the machine back together he's been rubbing a rod for ages

#65 (Rated: -306)
Topic from a Vista help forum:

gohan2091: When I put my PC to sleep, the slightest movement of the mouse (such as when I slide the keyboard stand under the desk) brings my PC out of sleep. I know a bit about software so off I went into the obvious.... the mouse settings (control panel). I unticked the option "Allow this device to wake the computer" and hit OK but it doesn't appear to be working. I can still bring my PC out of sleep by moving the mouse.

mark: Strange but true:

Accepted Microsoft answer to this problem: turn the mouse upside down

#58 (+|-) (Rated: -366)
J - The Ultimate In Experience says:
I'm sure I heard a seagull dying in the mouth of a cat one morning
Craig - In Trance We Trust says:
lol
J - The Ultimate In Experience says:
It's squawking got more out of breath
Till it was silent
Craig - In Trance We Trust says:
I was probably having an orgasm
*it

#135 (+|-) (Rated: -329)
<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

#123 (+|-) (Rated: -293)
<Gonkster> when i worked for stagecoach, lass sat on periscope, no knicks on
<Gonkster> ffs, i nearly knocked down a building lol
<Gonkster> just saw this beaver winkin at me down periscope lol

#153 (+|-) (Rated: -285)
<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones.  Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.

#139 (+|-) (Rated: -323)
<+CloPhone> Im freezing
<+Broxi> YOU'RE freezing? feel these nipples! < Broxi is a bot that occasionally responds to chat in humorous ways

#43 (+|-) (Rated: -348)
Original Install Date:     27/07/2009, 22:36:19
System Up Time:            32 Days, 16 Hours, 33 Minutes, 52 Seconds

Note: this was originally posted on the 29th of july 2009 for anyone that doesn't get what's odd about that uptime.

#93 (+|-) (Rated: -301)
<kerushixx> dude, i just saw a moth fart!
<tulam> 0_o
<tulam> how do you know it farted?
<kerushixx> it flew in a straight line

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -258)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#39 (Rated: -296)
17:12 < RooT> »Vista«
17:12 < RooT> »SharkTooth«
17:12 < RooT> are you online?
18:08  * Vista checks whether he's online
18:08 -!- Irssi: Pasting 8 lines to #4-IRC. Press Ctrl-K if you wish to do this
          or Ctrl-C to cancel.
18:08 < Vista> administrator@Laptop:~$ ping 192.168.1.254
18:08 < Vista> PING 192.168.1.254 (192.168.1.254) 56(84) bytes of data.
18:08 < Vista> From 192.168.1.254 icmp_seq=1 Destination Host Unreachable
18:08 < Vista> From 192.168.1.254 icmp_seq=2 Destination Host Unreachable
18:08 < Vista> From 192.168.1.254 icmp_seq=3 Destination Host Unreachable
18:08 < Vista> --- 192.168.1.254 ping statistics ---
18:08 < Vista> 6 packets transmitted, 0 received, +3 errors, 100% packet loss,
               time 5017ms
18:08 < Vista> , pipe 3
18:08 < Vista> nope
18:08 < Vista> :-P

#122 (+|-) (Rated: -315)
<+Vivcool> How do I use thunderbird as my email?
<+Vivcool> I don't like the x10's web mail
<+Skizzerz> see the link under "Access Webmail" next to the email account that says "Configure Email Client"?
<+Skizzerz> yeah, click that
<+Skizzerz> tells you everything you need to know
<+Vivcool> What do you use?

#190 (Rated: -312)
<.Vista> damn
<.Vista> both my eggdrops forgot who I am:-S
<.Vista> had to wipe their userfiles then re-identify to them
<.Vista> !8ball am I really that easily forgotten?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: ..Sure?