Quote Database

#276 (+|-) (Rated: -16)
Jamie: fucking pudgeova
*he meant pigeon apparantly*

#274 (+|-) (Rated: -21)
Jamie: fuck I just accidentally took dulcolax instead of paracetamol
Jamie: the packets look the same
Jamie: fuck lol
Craig: whatever you do....don't fart😂

#275 (+|-) (Rated: -22)
Jamie: yes .. it's big lol
Jamie: I would have to measure it

#273 (+|-) (Rated: -52)
Jamie: i wonder how many houses standby time I can get out of Oppo
Jamie: houses? 😨

#271 (+|-) (Rated: -56)
Jamie: whilst my other hand is on other things it's hard

#272 (+|-) (Rated: -69)
Jamie: it teaxks you apparently
Jamie: telracks
Jamie: tracks!

#270 (+|-) (Rated: -79)
Jamie: Cashpoint is being fixed by an engineer oiling the rollers
Jamie: I wish he would put the machine back together he's been rubbing a rod for ages

#267 (Rated: -82)
Jamie: but.. it was months after I looked that up by which time I already stopped and I'm not taking the tablets again in case it was the omezeopropofololol

#265 (+|-) (Rated: -83)
Craig: I tried relinking his ring
*I was talking about a ring doorbell account, but instead sounded a bit dirty*

#269 (Rated: -89)
Jamie: pooping in Tesco now lol
Jamie: popping😨

#268 (+|-) (Rated: -91)
Craig: I took some zapain earlier
Craig: hasn't really made a difference though
Jamie: ah co cosmological
Jamie: wtf
Jamie: stipulated autocorrect

#266 (+|-) (Rated: -120)
Jamie: T last lol
Jamie: a
Jamie: lol
Jamie: I'm saluvotatong

#264 (+|-) (Rated: -137)
Craig: there's someone on youtube who buys konkcoffs and reviews them
Craig: wtf????
Craig: *knockoffs

#262 (+|-) (Rated: -141)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: 🤣
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol

#263 (+|-) (Rated: -141)
Jamie: Will you marry this Lenovo Laptop 😀
Craig: yep...lol
Jamie: I wonder how it would give the ring - perhaps 3D print it? lol
Jamie: With a printer linked by usb
Jamie:lol
"Will you take all they have - all 16Gb" 😮
Jamie: lol
Craig: dvd drive opens, and it's sitting on the tray😂
Jamie: "To hold and to cherish - to defragment every so often" lol
Jamie: lol
Craig: or.....the tray comes out, and becomes the ring
Jamie: That would be so "sweet" lol
Jamie: Or...
Jamie: the ring would be the weights in the mouse
Jamie: You just have to unlock the bottom
lol
Craig: Mark Zuckerberg is currently thinking 'what the fuck are those 2 going on about?'

#261 (+|-) (Rated: -152)
Jamie Robinson: toad in the road
Jamie Robinson: autocorrect 😂
Craig Turner: Nope...a roast....but not road in the hole
Jamie Robinson: lol
Craig Turner: Fuck
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: wtf lol
Craig Turner: *toad....lol🤣
Jamie Robinson: fuck the toad?
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: or the road 😱
Jamie Robinson: it'll explode lol
Jamie Robinson: that rhymes with toad 😉
Craig Turner: 🤣
Jamie Robinson: I do believe that's the most abstract chat.. I've ever done lol
Craig Turner: Lmao🤣

#250 (+|-) (Rated: -180)
Jamie: I may be on and offline more whilst I struggle cough I mean experiment with Linux and grapple the bootstrap

#252 (Rated: -193)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer  updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button

#260 (+|-) (Rated: -194)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#249 (+|-) (Rated: -194)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#254 (+|-) (Rated: -195)
Craig: probably won't look quite as good as the one I had, but it's the taste that matters....not the looks

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -197)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#259 (+|-) (Rated: -202)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#253 (Rated: -204)
Lol... The ultimate dark mode... Being put under anaesthetic 😂

#256 (Rated: -225)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#257 (+|-) (Rated: -230)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.

Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.

#237 (+|-) (Rated: -231)
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

#242 (+|-) (Rated: -232)
So, not only will Google know when I have been searching for porn on the internet, it will now also know how fast my hand has been moving immediately afterwards! 🤒🤒
Not that I ever look for porn on the internet of course....just asking for a friend!

#246 (+|-) (Rated: -237)
Jamie: lol nice - next time you order something - buy a taser too - so you can zap the delivery driver and take the remaining stock
"Jamie - promoting ethics in society"

#248 (+|-) (Rated: -244)
I've worked on DNS for 20 years, can someone clue me in on this fustercluck?

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -248)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#244 (+|-) (Rated: -253)
Craig: Hopefully this will work
Craig: Yeast... it worked
Craig: Well....almost.. lol
Craig: that was meant to be 'yay'

#240 (+|-) (Rated: -261)
Jamie: I hope they don't link up the 3.5" floppy lol. There will be no response
Jamie: Controller is knackered

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -266)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -266)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)

#108 (+|-) (Rated: -268)
Alice «availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «48 people»
Angie` «~Angie_@AbyssNet-7DCD1663.atw.dyn.suddenlink.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «47 people»
Availea «~BinariiAn@Staff.Starfleetirc.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «46 people»
Declawed «~Sharpie@Staff.Starfleetirc.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «45 people»
—I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n— Netsplit Detected. «Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net»
Alias «~Alias@AbyssNet-D7E100B0.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) «44 people»
Edward «availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) «43 people»
Bella «availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) «42 people»
<+Gothic_Goddess> oh oh
<+f0rte> o.o
<+Gothic_Goddess> bye bye yall
Availeab (~BinariiAn@D453254D.E802AAAD.D92F8E0C.IP) has joined. «44 people»
Availeab (~BinariiAn@D453254D.E802AAAD.D92F8E0C.IP) is now known as Availea
PinkSmurf sets mode: +qo Availea Availea
Alice (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined. «45 people»
VJTD3 (VJTD3@ppp203.net267.fl.sprint-hsd.net) has joined. «46 people»
Angie` (~Angie_@AbyssNet-7DCD1663.atw.dyn.suddenlink.net) has joined. «47 people»
Alias (~Alias@AbyssNet-D7E100B0.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) has joined. «48 people»
Edward (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined, but is a Clone of Alice  «49 people»
Bella (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined, but is a Clone of Alice & Edward  «50 people»
Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net sets mode: +vvv Alias Edward Bella
Declawed (~Sharpie@AbyssNet-2801DE50.surgehost.net) has joined. «51 people»
Red-Dragon sets mode: +vvvvv Alice Angie` BlueEyes Declawed VJTD3
<+Gothic_Goddess> wb yall

#241 (+|-) (Rated: -269)
Ellie Wright: Is there a cow shortage that I'm unaware of?

#212 (+|-) (Rated: -273)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#251 (Rated: -273)
10 PRINT "Question: Are you going to switch to Linux?"
20 PRINT"Reply: No, I've told you this already"
30 PRINT"lol :D"
20 GOTO 10

#243 (+|-) (Rated: -275)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P

#36 (+|-) (Rated: -276)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

#56 (+|-) (Rated: -278)
@eliaz`medal): i have broken two of my erm
(@eliaz`medal): foot things
(@eliaz`medal): extensions
(@eliaz`medal): those little thigns on ur feet (@eliaz`medal): 5 on each :: (@eliaz`medal): :/
(@eliaz`medal): dunno name
(@Ched): toes?

#245 (+|-) (Rated: -287)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)

#239 (+|-) (Rated: -288)
Jamie: I'd love to link up my 3.5" floppy with a computer, but the conductivity of my skin is not enough.

#44 (+|-) (Rated: -291)
Icez            • does Bandit still come here
SharkTooth      • ?
SharkTooth      • yes
SharkTooth      › looks at bandit
SharkTooth      › waves and yells IM RIGHT HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SharkTooth      • Duh
Icez            • ohh

#40 (+|-) (Rated: -292)
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#91 (+|-) (Rated: -293)
<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose?  
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water

#185 (+|-) (Rated: -294)
<GimpChimp> I'm going to rape it. And tell the court it lead me on with its suggestive icon-wiggling.
<GimpChimp> Just as soon as I work out the technical details of raping an Internet window.

#97 (+|-) (Rated: -295)
X-LP            • Ozafy we're losing that other server of mine
X-LP            • ummmm
X-LP            • delta!
@DimeCadmium     • xD
@DimeCadmium     • dont even know its name thar?

#45 (+|-) (Rated: -297)
01:17  from WinServ.4-IRC.Com - *** Notice -- Client connecting on port 6667: Vista2 (N95@169.254.237.81) [clients]
01:19  from WinServ.4-IRC.Com - *** Notice -- Client exiting: Vista2 (N95@169.254.237.81) [Quit: Nokia - Connecting People:-p]

*For anyone that doesn't get what's odd here, look at the ip*