Quote Database

#286 (+|-) (Rated: -39)
Jamie: Stipulated Autocorrect

#285 (+|-) (Rated: -33)
Jamie: worst thing was when I once had to cook fish for another person
Jamie: I don't eat it
Jamie: I looked in the oven
Jamie: and it's lungs were breathing ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

#284 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
<r3pwn> Pretty sure something just exploded next door
<r3pwn> but I still have power so I'm okay
<IllegalArgument> Exploding things next door tend to not be good...
<r3pwn> There's no screaming (the neighbors whose house the sound came from have like 6 kids), so I guess it's okay
<IllegalArgument> Either it was insignificant enough not to warrant screaming, or they all perished in the blast

#283 (+|-) (Rated: -56)
Jamie: it was spurting from the hose

#282 (+|-) (Rated: -50)
Jamie: *chokes on my onion*

#281 (+|-) (Rated: -33)
Jamie: I think tugging on it over time must loosen the cable

#280 (+|-) (Rated: -49)
Jamie: I've had to delete the profile folder again ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Jamie: I've completely lost my technical skill ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Jamie: first - I fuck up the installation then forget how I did it all
Jamie: now I've restored everything and am going round in circles
Jamie: memory like a goldfish

#279 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
If you ever code something that "feels like a hack but it works," just remember that a CPU is literally a rock that we tricked into thinking.

Not to oversimplify: first you have to flatten the rock and put lightning inside it

#278 (+|-) (Rated: -90)
Jamie: now I smell like manhole

#277 (+|-) (Rated: -67)
Jamie: lol every time I look at knickers

#276 (+|-) (Rated: -111)
Jamie: fucking pudgeova
*he meant pigeon apparantly*

#275 (+|-) (Rated: -111)
Jamie: yes .. it's big lol
Jamie: I would have to measure it

#274 (+|-) (Rated: -150)
Jamie: fuck I just accidentally took dulcolax instead of paracetamol
Jamie: the packets look the same
Jamie: fuck lol
Craig: whatever you do....don't fart๐Ÿ˜‚

#273 (+|-) (Rated: -141)
Jamie: i wonder how many houses standby time I can get out of Oppo
Jamie: houses? ๐Ÿ˜จ

#272 (+|-) (Rated: -171)
Jamie: it teaxks you apparently
Jamie: telracks
Jamie: tracks!

#271 (+|-) (Rated: -154)
Jamie: whilst my other hand is on other things it's hard

#270 (+|-) (Rated: -202)
Jamie: Cashpoint is being fixed by an engineer oiling the rollers
Jamie: I wish he would put the machine back together he's been rubbing a rod for ages

#269 (+|-) (Rated: -166)
Jamie: pooping in Tesco now lol
Jamie: popping๐Ÿ˜จ

#268 (+|-) (Rated: -156)
Craig: I took some zapain earlier
Craig: hasn't really made a difference though
Jamie: ah co cosmological
Jamie: wtf
Jamie: stipulated autocorrect

#267 (+|-) (Rated: -153)
Jamie: but.. it was months after I looked that up by which time I already stopped and I'm not taking the tablets again in case it was the omezeopropofololol

#266 (+|-) (Rated: -195)
Jamie: T last lol
Jamie: a
Jamie: lol
Jamie: I'm saluvotatong

#265 (+|-) (Rated: -136)
Craig: I tried relinking his ring
*I was talking about a ring doorbell account, but instead sounded a bit dirty*

#264 (+|-) (Rated: -218)
Craig: there's someone on youtube who buys konkcoffs and reviews them
Craig: wtf????
Craig: *knockoffs

#263 (+|-) (Rated: -216)
Jamie: Will you marry this Lenovo Laptop ๐Ÿ˜€
Craig: yep...lol
Jamie: I wonder how it would give the ring - perhaps 3D print it? lol
Jamie: With a printer linked by usb
Jamie:lol
"Will you take all they have - all 16Gb" ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Jamie: lol
Craig: dvd drive opens, and it's sitting on the tray๐Ÿ˜‚
Jamie: "To hold and to cherish - to defragment every so often" lol
Jamie: lol
Craig: or.....the tray comes out, and becomes the ring
Jamie: That would be so "sweet" lol
Jamie: Or...
Jamie: the ring would be the weights in the mouse
Jamie: You just have to unlock the bottom
lol
Craig: Mark Zuckerberg is currently thinking 'what the fuck are those 2 going on about?'

#262 (+|-) (Rated: -222)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: ๐Ÿคฃ
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol

#261 (+|-) (Rated: -267)
Jamie Robinson: toad in the road
Jamie Robinson: autocorrect ๐Ÿ˜‚
Craig Turner: Nope...a roast....but not road in the hole
Jamie Robinson: lol
Craig Turner: Fuck
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: wtf lol
Craig Turner: *toad....lol๐Ÿคฃ
Jamie Robinson: fuck the toad?
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: or the road ๐Ÿ˜ฑ
Jamie Robinson: it'll explode lol
Jamie Robinson: that rhymes with toad ๐Ÿ˜‰
Craig Turner: ๐Ÿคฃ
Jamie Robinson: I do believe that's the most abstract chat.. I've ever done lol
Craig Turner: Lmao๐Ÿคฃ

#260 (+|-) (Rated: -253)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#259 (+|-) (Rated: -284)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -253)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#257 (+|-) (Rated: -291)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.

Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.

#256 (+|-) (Rated: -265)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -329)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)

#254 (+|-) (Rated: -223)
Craig: probably won't look quite as good as the one I had, but it's the taste that matters....not the looks

#253 (+|-) (Rated: -252)
Lol... The ultimate dark mode... Being put under anaesthetic ๐Ÿ˜‚

#252 (+|-) (Rated: -264)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer  updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button

#251 (+|-) (Rated: -335)
10 PRINT "Question: Are you going to switch to Linux?"
20 PRINT"Reply: No, I've told you this already"
30 PRINT"lol :D"
20 GOTO 10

#250 (+|-) (Rated: -259)
Jamie: I may be on and offline more whilst I struggle cough I mean experiment with Linux and grapple the bootstrap

#249 (+|-) (Rated: -242)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#248 (+|-) (Rated: -311)
I've worked on DNS for 20 years, can someone clue me in on this fustercluck?

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -314)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#246 (+|-) (Rated: -279)
Jamie: lol nice - next time you order something - buy a taser too - so you can zap the delivery driver and take the remaining stock
"Jamie - promoting ethics in society"

#245 (+|-) (Rated: -298)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)

#244 (+|-) (Rated: -300)
Craig: Hopefully this will work
Craig: Yeast... it worked
Craig: Well....almost.. lol
Craig: that was meant to be 'yay'

#243 (+|-) (Rated: -295)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P

#242 (+|-) (Rated: -263)
So, not only will Google know when I have been searching for porn on the internet, it will now also know how fast my hand has been moving immediately afterwards! ๐Ÿค’๐Ÿค’
Not that I ever look for porn on the internet of course....just asking for a friend!

#241 (+|-) (Rated: -324)
Ellie Wright: Is there a cow shortage that I'm unaware of?

#240 (+|-) (Rated: -312)
Jamie: I hope they don't link up the 3.5" floppy lol. There will be no response
Jamie: Controller is knackered

#239 (+|-) (Rated: -342)
Jamie: I'd love to link up my 3.5" floppy with a computer, but the conductivity of my skin is not enough.

#238 (+|-) (Rated: -385)
Jamie: lol all those days I used to pound the 3.5" floppy lol

#237 (+|-) (Rated: -299)
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko