Quote Database

#97 (+|-) (Rated: -360)
X-LP            • Ozafy we're losing that other server of mine
X-LP            • ummmm
X-LP            • delta!
@DimeCadmium     • xD
@DimeCadmium     • dont even know its name thar?

#36 (+|-) (Rated: -376)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -253)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#274 (+|-) (Rated: -150)
Jamie: fuck I just accidentally took dulcolax instead of paracetamol
Jamie: the packets look the same
Jamie: fuck lol
Craig: whatever you do....don't fart😂

#79 (+|-) (Rated: -394)
<LabMonkey> ok riddle me this
<LabMonkey> I open the pack of cigarettes
<LabMonkey> pull out one
<LabMonkey> pick up my lighter
<LabMonkey> put the cigarette back in the pack
<LabMonkey> then try to light my nose...
<LabMonkey> What the fuck, over.

#262 (+|-) (Rated: -222)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: 🤣
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol

#95 (+|-) (Rated: -370)
<Nori123> You don't know jack shit
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose

#240 (+|-) (Rated: -312)
Jamie: I hope they don't link up the 3.5" floppy lol. There will be no response
Jamie: Controller is knackered

#210 (+|-) (Rated: -392)
[Lord-Data] Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?

#153 (+|-) (Rated: -436)
<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones.  Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.

#120 (+|-) (Rated: -452)
<+Neil> Hey rewq, I'm here if I can still assist you.
<+Neil> Let me take a minute to read the conversation (I just got back)
<+Neil> Alright, so, you said you've paid $2.95 for three months. What service did you sign up for?
<+Neil> Taking a look here, it seems you've signed up for our Prime package.
<+Neil> ..
<+Neil> And, I've been talking to myself, because ZNC decided not to tell me he quit.

#256 (+|-) (Rated: -265)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#138 (+|-) (Rated: -430)
<@Awesome> i just opened the back door to let people out and a frikkin midget flew right into my gob as i breathed in
<@Awesome> gaaaaak
<+_I_LOVE_YOU_> midget butties
<+Helzz> Midget?
<+imy1411>    midget?   
<+Should_trumps_have_lumps> your sucking off midgets?
<+Helzz> As in dwarf
moonshadow «~moonshado@WackyChat-526E4CE8.range86-179.btcentralplus.com» has Quit iRC (Laterz Wacky People :) Dont Forget To Checkout www.FuzzyHosts.com) «62 people»
WackyUser5291 (~lightIRC@A3912E5A.8F744AE9.2D39D232.IP) has joined. «63 people»
The-Shrink sets mode: +v WackyUser5291
<+_I_LOVE_YOU_> i didnt know dwarfs cud fly
<+imy1411>    bwhahahahha   
<@Awesome> midgey*
<+WackyUser5291> ello
<~SpiderSheepy> !voice Loony
The-Shrink sets mode: +v Loony
<@Awesome> a bloody fly thing
<@Awesome> you know ?
<+imy1411>    awesome     
<+Should_trumps_have_lumps> a tiny pilot?
<+CloPhone> Lol
<+imy1411>    are you women   
<~SpiderSheepy> lmao

#128 (+|-) (Rated: -390)
* TT205 wants to build a SNOT-HIPPO!!!!
<TT205> *blink*
* TT205 wants to build a SNOW-HIPPO!!!!

#119 (+|-) (Rated: -400)
<+plat_> "sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds"

#121 (+|-) (Rated: -384)
<.Cemtex> .joke
<.Eco>  Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't have them if they were called cunt scrapes.

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -314)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#118 (+|-) (Rated: -397)
Craig - ChatNSN Radio is back online - http://radio.csc2ya.co.uk:8000;): Message may have not been sent because a timeout occurred:
Mini: its puttin me in time out im not a damn kid
Mini: *pouts*
<SharkTooth> dont even think of qdb'in that

#90 (+|-) (Rated: -393)
.julia           • mines light blue tho
.Vista           • I prefer mine: http://www.halfords.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_storeId_10001_catalogId_10151_productId_253669_langId_-1_categoryId_165499
.Vista           • different colour, but it's that make and model
.Vista           › has just noticed he's linked to the ladies model without realising:-|

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -315)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#48 (+|-) (Rated: -356)
<kittense> that's like kiddy porn or something:?
<HolloW> its porn with a baby in it but i wouldnt classify it as kiddy porn
<kittense> i wonder what more people look at
<kittense> the cooter or the baby
<kittense> the baby is much cuter
<kittense> that is one ugly cooter
<HolloW> what is a cooter?
<kittense> you never had a cooter?
<HolloW> i just dont know what it is
<kittense> snatch
<kittense> you know what snatch is?
<HolloW> no
<kittense> poontang?
<HolloW> a word that may exist in the english dictionary?
<kittense> umm
<kittense> pussy?
<kittense> cunt?
<kittense> twat?
<kittense> any of those ring a bell?
<HolloW> got it

#137 (+|-) (Rated: -452)
<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"

#106 (+|-) (Rated: -420)
Anne (34171613@xC-3088C7E4.as13285.net) has joined. «36 people»
Alice sets mode: +v Anne
<+Anne> hi
<+henk506673> hi
<+Anne> Hex are you there?

*Another one talking to a bot*

#150 (+|-) (Rated: -419)
Teacher asks her class for a 12 letter word, student says "masturbation" teacher says "my, that's a mouthful"  student says "no your thinking of a blow job."

#189 (+|-) (Rated: -419)
<Charles> The best story involves a bestiality site. No, really, it does.

There was this bestiality site that used our software. I don't even remember what it was now but we would get calls quite often. People would call and say "I would like to cancel my account" and we would try to find them in our database. After quite a bit of looking we would say "well this is for IPS right" and they would say "no it's for animal lovers anonymous" ...

Then of course there's the awkward silence. Where you now know that the person on the other end of the phone likes Bambi a bit too much. So then you have to say "um I think you're calling the wrong people" ...

Then there's another awkward silence where THEY now know that YOU know that they enjoy cuddling with Snoopy on cold evenings.

It was a combination of creepy and amusing at the same time. This went on for a couple months actually.

#47 (+|-) (Rated: -403)
[16:35] *** Quits: Ser_Olmy_ (*.easynet.net ircnet.easynet.co.uk)
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[20:39] <data[moo]> ircnet in the wash today or summit?
[20:39] <data[moo]> seems to be shrinking a bit

#116 (+|-) (Rated: -372)
<@Angie`> omgg painnnn
<~Availea> Glad we could come to a compromise :D
* ~Availea snuggles Angie` and rubs her back
<@Angie`> i think it may be gas cause everytime it cramps i fart lol

#164 (+|-) (Rated: -432)
<.Vista> I don't bugger servers anymore....they just bugger themselves now:-|
<.Vista> !8ball isn't that right Ace?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Of course!

#154 (+|-) (Rated: -394)
* +NuttyAsh slaps FuzzyFox around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 143. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +NuttyAsh slaps Ace around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 144. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +rangerz attaches c4 and detonates
* +NuttyAsh dies
<+Cat> lol @ Ash going on a rampage

#181 (+|-) (Rated: -397)
tachyonizer (~tachyoniz@41.97.94.252) has joined. «78 people»
<tachyonizer> !keep tachyonizer
<@Beschbot> tachyonizer: tachyonizer's shell has already been deleted...
<tachyonizer> fuck you
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> i am budy man can't you wait a fucking day ?????
* tachyonizer was kicked by Beschbot (Bad word detected. (*fuck*) :: [Tue Mar 11 18:19:58 2014] - Banned 0 minutes ·58·)

#185 (+|-) (Rated: -339)
<GimpChimp> I'm going to rape it. And tell the court it lead me on with its suggestive icon-wiggling.
<GimpChimp> Just as soon as I work out the technical details of raping an Internet window.

#107 (+|-) (Rated: -358)
<Joah> texas
<+Alias> lol
<+Availea> Kentucky
<+Availea> Since we're randomly naming states :P
<+Alias> canada
<+V4mpire> canada is a country
<~clarjon1> confusion
<+Alias> I know
<~clarjon1> confusion, emergency, insanity, panic....
<~clarjon1> since we're naming states.

#192 (+|-) (Rated: -413)
<ambrness> DEVICE=eth0
<ambrness> BOOTPROTO=static
<ambrness> BOARDCAST=203.21.86.255
<ambrness> HAHAH... no wonder it had probs
<ambrness> curse having an admin who speaks english as a second language

#161 (+|-) (Rated: -438)
<Nightmare> bad timing for a disconnect
<Nightmare> i accidentally busted my pudding all over the floor

#46 (+|-) (Rated: -415)
Craig - In Trance we Trust says:
yeah.....latest version....3.2.8.1
hmmmm....my wireless is going screwy
says i'm connected to BTHomeHub-C316(unsecured)
which is the right ssid....but it's not unsecured
[UFP]Darkpsy says:
i'll see if i can connect to it to see if it went unsecured
wait'
Craig - In Trance we Trust says:
ummmmm.....you're a little bit too far away
[UFP]Darkpsy says:
thats impossible
Craig - In Trance we Trust says:
lmao

#98 (+|-) (Rated: -366)
<@Vista> Operating System Platform:«Microsoft Windows 7 Professional» UpTime:«5 Days 20 Hours 1 Minute 4 Seconds» Record UpTime:«5 Days 19 Hours 58 Minutes 46 Seconds» —I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n—

#49 (+|-) (Rated: -374)
<space> got any good tunes to spare?
<ToRMeNTeD> tons
<ToRMeNTeD> what kind
<space> whatever
<space> im easy
<ToRMeNTeD> thas what Im listening to now
<space> lol shit i got no speakers yet brb
<ToRMeNTeD> askin fer music wif no speakas
<ToRMeNTeD> sprocket what are we gonna do wif you
<PsyHawk> like a blind man asking for magnifying glass
<ToRMeNTeD> classic
<space> heheh lame award
<space> im like that fucker sent me blank tracks

#122 (+|-) (Rated: -426)
<+Vivcool> How do I use thunderbird as my email?
<+Vivcool> I don't like the x10's web mail
<+Skizzerz> see the link under "Access Webmail" next to the email account that says "Configure Email Client"?
<+Skizzerz> yeah, click that
<+Skizzerz> tells you everything you need to know
<+Vivcool> What do you use?

#259 (+|-) (Rated: -284)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#282 (+|-) (Rated: -50)
Jamie: *chokes on my onion*

#114 (+|-) (Rated: -395)
Angie` «Angie@IRC-Operator» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) «31 people»
Angie` (Angie@AbyssNet-B20CB6DA.imctv.dynamic.mis.net) has joined. «32 people»
TheGame sets mode: +o Angie`
<@Angie`> IM GOING TO SLING THIS PEICE OF SHIT
<@Angie`> AGAINST A FUCKING WALL
<@Angie`> god fucking damn
ShitzNGiggles (biggy@AbyssNet-4C0706C2.lnk.telstra.net) has joined. «33 people»
<~geekgirl> rofl
<~geekgirl> whats wrong
<+DragonBlood> lmao
<@Angie`> stupid fucking peice of shit laptop makes me so fucking mad
<@Angie`> it puts itself to fucking sleep
<@Angie`> cause something is broken or not clipped right because i threw it
<@Angie`> a few times
<@Angie`> at a wall

#129 (+|-) (Rated: -424)
* +BabyCheetah throws a council brick at Jue :)
* +Jue throws a privately owned one back

#187 (+|-) (Rated: -387)
<Baby-d> I set up a shoutcast last night while I was pretty wasted, it's fuckin tight though
<SilverJag> I guess
<Baby-d> you guess!?!
<Baby-d> show some more enthusiasim!
<Baby-d> :)
<SilverJag> I cant I have diahreaa

#81 (+|-) (Rated: -371)
*** [ircnic] (ircnic@couldnt.find.condoms.so.I.used.my.leftsock.com) has left #trance

#54 (+|-) (Rated: -409)
insaneFlash: man
insaneFlash: finals are taring me an ass
dogz: ah
dogz: man
dogz: are they gziping it as well?

#220 (+|-) (Rated: -401)
<Tracer[Quoting]> a friend of mine told me once that he is so unlucky that if he would fall into a barrel of nipples, he would come out sucking his thumb
<eelhovercraft> The concept of a barrel full of nipples frightens me

#246 (+|-) (Rated: -279)
Jamie: lol nice - next time you order something - buy a taser too - so you can zap the delivery driver and take the remaining stock
"Jamie - promoting ethics in society"

#37 (+|-) (Rated: -369)
<+Dr_Link> SSL certificate: $30.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Dell mainframe server: $1.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Discount cupon: -$80,000.
<+Dr_Link> Getting hacked by a POST injection: Priceless.

#252 (+|-) (Rated: -264)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer  updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -329)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)