Quote Database

#174 (+|-) (Rated: -109)
|+p|Debi| Mine is flapping pointlessly somewhere round my ankles.
|+p|Athena| Wb Hellspawn.
|+p|Debi| thooper
|+p|Debi| Say, do you want to see a movie?
* LegendaryIRC sets mode: +h HellSpawn
|+p|Debi| i'm keeping quiet except for the odd fondle and humping

#176 (+|-) (Rated: -106)
<Chappy> how did you go online?
<Quasi> I'm on someone else's wireless.
<Chappy> oh really??? that s great!
<Quasi> It's not too bad, but I have to stay completely still or it disconnects.
<Quasi> I'm getting horrific leg cramps, but great download speeds.

#144 (+|-) (Rated: -105)
<Crucial> whats a quick way to push ipconfig /release, ipconfig /renew to 50 or
so workstations
<Mo> cycle power to the building

#170 (+|-) (Rated: -105)
<~Yuna> C[a]stle look im on top of you ^.^
<Panda> that doesn't sound weird at all
<+Inase_Moriyaku> that's what she sai--- oh wait.

#58 (+|-) (Rated: -104)
J - The Ultimate In Experience says:
I'm sure I heard a seagull dying in the mouth of a cat one morning
Craig - In Trance We Trust says:
lol
J - The Ultimate In Experience says:
It's squawking got more out of breath
Till it was silent
Craig - In Trance We Trust says:
I was probably having an orgasm
*it

#150 (+|-) (Rated: -104)
Teacher asks her class for a 12 letter word, student says "masturbation" teacher says "my, that's a mouthful"  student says "no your thinking of a blow job."

#159 (+|-) (Rated: -104)
<Pr1ncess> oh sick i just sneezed and blood shot out of my crotch
<etrigan> that time again??
<Pr1ncess> hahaha
<Pr1ncess> yes
<Pr1ncess> that was a pretty fucking sick thing to say wasnt it?
<etrigan> hell yes

#190 (+|-) (Rated: -104)
<.Vista> damn
<.Vista> both my eggdrops forgot who I am:-S
<.Vista> had to wipe their userfiles then re-identify to them
<.Vista> !8ball am I really that easily forgotten?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: ..Sure?

#142 (+|-) (Rated: -103)
<+Broxi> I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own... but it's been three hours now, Vista... THREE HOURS*~%^##*%*@*Ā£

#188 (+|-) (Rated: -103)
<zed> I wonder what kind of look my dad would give me if I said "dpkg dash
      dash purge coca dash cola" as I chucked an empty coke bottle into
      the recycling bin.

#204 (+|-) (Rated: -103)
Zac: Carl Alt Del
OMFG. Ctrl
Craig: I was going to say...who's Carl?šŸ˜‚
Zac: Carl was my high school boyfriend lol
Stay away from that fuckin database too!!!

#93 (Rated: -102)
<kerushixx> dude, i just saw a moth fart!
<tulam> 0_o
<tulam> how do you know it farted?
<kerushixx> it flew in a straight line

#157 (+|-) (Rated: -102)
<+twilight> hey broxi
<+Broxi> :)
<+twilight> theres a moose loose in this hoose?
<@GreatWhite> broxi is a bot
<+Broxi> LIES.

#137 (+|-) (Rated: -101)
<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"

#156 (+|-) (Rated: -101)
<Locke|Away> Listen, this is purely theoretical, but is it dangerous to get a cat high?
<Boko> only one way to find out o_O
<Locke|Away> Like, not making him eat it or anything, but let's say there is a cat around the smoke.
<Locke|Away> That's not going to hurt the cat or anything, right?
<Odyslep> don't think so
<Odyslep> unless it ODs
<Odyslep> prolly give it a cough too
<Locke|Away> Let's say it hasn't coughed but it keeps trying to jump on top of the TV set and it keeps missing.  
<Locke|Away> Would that sort of cat be in any trouble?

#161 (+|-) (Rated: -101)
<Nightmare> bad timing for a disconnect
<Nightmare> i accidentally busted my pudding all over the floor

#164 (+|-) (Rated: -101)
<.Vista> I don't bugger servers anymore....they just bugger themselves now:-|
<.Vista> !8ball isn't that right Ace?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Of course!

#166 (+|-) (Rated: -101)
<+Roxi> Teh very thought of it make me... makes... littlre... sicky noises.]
<+Emma> haha
<+FeistyxDragon> we need cheering up with some gd music
<+Broxi> Don't come any closer or i will lay eggs in your stomach.

#218 (+|-) (Rated: -101)
Craig: yep
Craig: I'll keep everything crossed for you
Craig: hmm....actually...maybe not everything *winces*
šŸ˜œ
Zac: Don't cross your balls, they will turn blue. And blue balls aren't a good thing LOL
Zac: OMG stop reading my mind šŸ˜•
Craig: lol

#135 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

#139 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
<+CloPhone> Im freezing
<+Broxi> YOU'RE freezing? feel these nipples! < Broxi is a bot that occasionally responds to chat in humorous ways

#147 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
<~zomg> Fgt
<Profash> HELLO
<Profash> Dear Customer, We're facing a major abuse issue with our Canadian segment, we're trying to resolve this case directly with our uplinks, if nothing is resolved within 48hrs we will grab the data from the servers and restore you on a new Canadian segment, we do apologize for the issues caused, we'll keep you notified asap. Thank you.
<~zomg> RIP
<Eck> hope your data is lost
<Eck> bitch

#160 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
* +SuperAndroid17 glares at Availea
* +A glares at SuperAndroid17
* +SuperAndroid17 shows his dick at A
* +A hosting companies SuperAndroid17 in return

#183 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
<@Andromeda> we only have like 60 dns' :P
<twink|es-> ohh i like it when you talk to me in chinese
<twink|es-> -_-
<Debi> ;)
<@Andromeda> 60 addresses
<@Andromeda> lol

#203 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
Zac: Which is good cause I need to eat. So gonna cook fish fuckers
Zac: Damn it fingers not fuckers

#212 (+|-) (Rated: -100)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#126 (+|-) (Rated: -99)
<+AnImAtIoN> could be worse
<~SpiderSheepy> gah
<+AnImAtIoN> i could be like this
<+AnImAtIoN> Laught Out Loud
<~SpiderSheepy> can i ban him?
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> LAUGH*
<+Broxi> :O
<~SpiderSheepy> making me squint
<+Lefteris/Chat> xaaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxax
<+AnImAtIoN> read properly then
<~FuzzyFox> Please
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> OMG i thought you said it's making me squirt
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> i was like WHAT?
<+AnImAtIoN> rofl
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> sick lol
<+AnImAtIoN> yah mon
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> was about to ask if i could watch :/

#152 (+|-) (Rated: -98)
<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or some shit
<Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit
<Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii"
<Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers"
<Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola

#189 (+|-) (Rated: -98)
<Charles> The best story involves a bestiality site. No, really, it does.

There was this bestiality site that used our software. I don't even remember what it was now but we would get calls quite often. People would call and say "I would like to cancel my account" and we would try to find them in our database. After quite a bit of looking we would say "well this is for IPS right" and they would say "no it's for animal lovers anonymous" ...

Then of course there's the awkward silence. Where you now know that the person on the other end of the phone likes Bambi a bit too much. So then you have to say "um I think you're calling the wrong people" ...

Then there's another awkward silence where THEY now know that YOU know that they enjoy cuddling with Snoopy on cold evenings.

It was a combination of creepy and amusing at the same time. This went on for a couple months actually.

#215 (+|-) (Rated: -98)
Darkpsy__ (~ident@71.60.142.24) has joined, but is a Clone of Guest9205  Ā«6 peopleĀ»
Guest9205 Ā«~ident@71.60.142.24Ā» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) Ā«5 peopleĀ»
<Vista> lol....it's getting longer O_O

#59 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
WALLOP shadow:  $ my throat is killing me.. anyone got tips how to reduce the pain?
WALLOP shadow:  $ no, it's not caused by swallowing semen
WALLOP shadow:  $ I don't think swallowing semen would help either
WALLOP shadow:  $ I see.. so honey + lemon + warm milk/water would help
WALLOP shadow:  $ no, I'm not going to mix up any semen with that
WALLOP shadow:  $ I wonder what whiskey + warm milk would taste like
WALLOP shadow:  $ No, I don't think it would taste like semen
WALLOP shadow:  $ FINE! I'll try the semen, so shut up already!

#99 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
* %iso is eating a helicopter
<%iso> *hamburger
<+cezz> lol
<+cezz> yummy helicoper
<+cezz> what is the nicest bit? I bet it is the propellers
<%iso> The skids
<%iso> They're always nice and cripsy
<+cezz> Ahhh but they can get a bit dirty from time to rime

#178 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
<Grid> Hey Psyko, if the world was gonna end in 3 minutes, what would you do?
<Psyko> I'D SCREW ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!! What would you do?
<Grid> ... ... ... I'd stand very very still. o.o;

#200 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
Zac: You scissors
Damn it. You suck!

#210 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
[Lord-Data] Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?

#43 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
Original Install Date:     27/07/2009, 22:36:19
System Up Time:            32 Days, 16 Hours, 33 Minutes, 52 Seconds

Note: this was originally posted on the 29th of july 2009 for anyone that doesn't get what's odd about that uptime.

#87 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
<Dyl4N>a mosquito landed on my screen and i went to right click on it and close it...
<Dyl4N>then i realized i should get out more
<Jesse>send me a screen shot
<Jesse>wait

#95 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
<Nori123> You don't know jack shit
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose

#138 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
<@Awesome> i just opened the back door to let people out and a frikkin midget flew right into my gob as i breathed in
<@Awesome> gaaaaak
<+_I_LOVE_YOU_> midget butties
<+Helzz> Midget?
<+imy1411> Ā Ā  midget? Ā Ā 
<+Should_trumps_have_lumps> your sucking off midgets?
<+Helzz> As in dwarf
moonshadow Ā«~moonshado@WackyChat-526E4CE8.range86-179.btcentralplus.comĀ» has Quit iRC (Laterz Wacky People :) Dont Forget To Checkout www.FuzzyHosts.com) Ā«62 peopleĀ»
WackyUser5291 (~lightIRC@A3912E5A.8F744AE9.2D39D232.IP) has joined. Ā«63 peopleĀ»
The-Shrink sets mode: +v WackyUser5291
<+_I_LOVE_YOU_> i didnt know dwarfs cud fly
<+imy1411> Ā Ā  bwhahahahha Ā Ā 
<@Awesome> midgey*
<+WackyUser5291> ello
<~SpiderSheepy> !voice Loony
The-Shrink sets mode: +v Loony
<@Awesome> a bloody fly thing
<@Awesome> you know ?
<+imy1411> Ā Ā  awesome Ā  Ā Ā 
<+Should_trumps_have_lumps> a tiny pilot?
<+CloPhone> Lol
<+imy1411> Ā Ā  are you women Ā Ā 
<~SpiderSheepy> lmao

#151 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
<Swift> I need lemonade.
<dmc2> I hate it when my sound goes blurry.
<supakoopa> i hate when my video gets loud.

#172 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
* %Angie streaks
<+Red-Dragon> >.>
<Vista> stupid thing doesn't seem to like static ip configs
* +Red-Dragon looks
* %Angie streaks by again
<%Angie> :p
* +Red-Dragon watches again
* +Tidus takes a vid
<%Angie> :O
<%Angie> that'll be 3 payments of 39.99 please
<+Sess> lol
<+Tidus> plus s&h?
<%Angie> no
<%Angie> free S&H
<+Red-Dragon> not for me i got other payment methods :P
<+Tidus> shweet
<%Angie> you get freebies :p videos i charge for hah
* Vista gets on his bike to chase Angie, but then realizes he's too out of shape, falls off and lays on the ground panting:-|
<%Angie> lmfao
* %Angie hands Vista albuterol
<+Red-Dragon> PDA!

#187 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
<Baby-d> I set up a shoutcast last night while I was pretty wasted, it's fuckin tight though
<SilverJag> I guess
<Baby-d> you guess!?!
<Baby-d> show some more enthusiasim!
<Baby-d> :)
<SilverJag> I cant I have diahreaa

#220 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
<Tracer[Quoting]> a friend of mine told me once that he is so unlucky that if he would fall into a barrel of nipples, he would come out sucking his thumb
<eelhovercraft> The concept of a barrel full of nipples frightens me

#224 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
Zac: That is nice. Oh I love my wireless moose lol
Zac: mouse actually not fucking moose

#175 (+|-) (Rated: -95)
night98|away Ā«night98@boy.from.venusĀ» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus crazy.janus) Ā«98 peopleĀ»
TBBTNut Ā«~tbbtnut@netadmin.TBBTNet.comĀ» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus tbbt.janus) Ā«97 peopleĀ»
night98 Ā«~night98@boy.from.venusĀ» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus tbbt.janus) Ā«96 peopleĀ»
<+one_eight_seven> (Netsplit Detector) Netsplit between TBBTNet.janus and crazy.janus - Invincible
<+one_eight_seven> (Netsplit Detector) Netsplit between TBBTNet.janus and tbbt.janus - Invincible

*Can't help thinking that's like getting hit by a car and being told afterwards 'there's a car coming'*

#225 (+|-) (Rated: -95)
Zac: Can you configure it to have sex with the laptop? That would keep your laptop happy šŸ™‚ LOL AND NO QUOTE SYSTEM LOL

*yes quote system I think*

#82 (+|-) (Rated: -94)
ā€”I-n-v-i-s-i-o-nā€” Netsplit Detected. Ā«irc.right.asscheek irc.left.asscheekĀ» [6:56am]

#130 (+|-) (Rated: -94)
<~SpiderSheepy> you should have heard me lastnight :|
<~FuzzyFox> she was rather drunk for one
<~SpiderSheepy> i also danced on a pole
<~SpiderSheepy> lol
<+WhiteWolf> SpiderSheepy btw you ever figure out where those handcuffs came from ?
<~SpiderSheepy> with 2 strippers
<~FuzzyFox> Its cute how the more drunk she gets, the more welsh she sounds :P
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> no jason :S
<+WhiteWolf> you so go finger it out
<~FuzzyFox> Finger? :O
<~SpiderSheepy> o.O
<+Lodestone> i wonder if SpiderSheepy will do a pole dance for me when i see her this weekend :p
<~FuzzyFox> whos she fingering now

#149 (+|-) (Rated: -94)
* Red-Dr[a]gon was kicked by Atreyu (Testies 1 2 3 [kick count:247])
Red-Dr[a]gon (Red-Dragon@Embrace.The.Fire) has joined, but is a Clone of Red-Dragon  Ā«46 peopleĀ»
Ownage sets mode: +ao Red-Dr[a]gon Red-Dr[a]gon
<Red-Dr[a]gon> is also in channels Ā« &#Sarah`s-Office #Espanol &#support Ā»
<Vanilla`Wafer> i read that as testicles

#206 (+|-) (Rated: -94)
Ace (ecA@legend-7494CF05.csc2ya.co.uk) has joined, but is a Clone of Vista & Vista  Ā«4 peopleĀ»