Quote Database

#145 (+|-) (Rated: -234)
<FuzzyFox-Away> A 1 million pound prize was offered to any university who could explain why the end of a mans penis is helmet shaped.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Cambridge concluded it was to give the man more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Oxford concluded it was to give the woman more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The 'university' of Glasgow spent the afternoon in the pub and concluded it was to stop your hand slipping off.

#261 (+|-) (Rated: -21)
Jamie Robinson: toad in the road
Jamie Robinson: autocorrect 😂
Craig Turner: Nope...a roast....but not road in the hole
Jamie Robinson: lol
Craig Turner: Fuck
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: wtf lol
Craig Turner: *toad....lol🤣
Jamie Robinson: fuck the toad?
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: or the road 😱
Jamie Robinson: it'll explode lol
Jamie Robinson: that rhymes with toad 😉
Craig Turner: 🤣
Jamie Robinson: I do believe that's the most abstract chat.. I've ever done lol
Craig Turner: Lmao🤣

#188 (+|-) (Rated: -269)
<zed> I wonder what kind of look my dad would give me if I said "dpkg dash
      dash purge coca dash cola" as I chucked an empty coke bottle into
      the recycling bin.

#110 (+|-) (Rated: -257)
admin (76419697@xC-C7145B36.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) has joined. «32 people»
Alice sets mode: +v admin
<+admin> hello
<+admin> can anyone put my site up? i registered over 4 hours ago and the site isnt set p yet..
<+admin> it still says processing wait
<+admin> :(
<+admin> btw im not admin
<+admin> anyone here?
<+admin> thesres 32 members online damn it..

*Note: 32 MEMBERS online...not 32 staff online*

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -236)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#215 (+|-) (Rated: -267)
Darkpsy__ (~ident@71.60.142.24) has joined, but is a Clone of Guest9205  «6 people»
Guest9205 «~ident@71.60.142.24» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) «5 people»
<Vista> lol....it's getting longer O_O

#92 (+|-) (Rated: -243)
<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't your first guess? God dammit.

#260 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#119 (+|-) (Rated: -229)
<+plat_> "sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds"

#42 (+|-) (Rated: -277)
Jameleous says:
i was just typing "the service has been good on o2 since i turned off 3g, reset and turned it back on" - 5 bars generally
as i typed it said error - cannot send message as network is not found
NO SERVICE at the top

#146 (+|-) (Rated: -244)
<+x_LiL_Sophie_x> Broxi are you horny?
<+Broxi> Yes and i wont stop till my vagina bounces off!

#184 (+|-) (Rated: -250)
<.'Sysop_Kalamazoo> 205 camera outage across 7 buildings.  Reason: commercial power outage.  Details: Squirrell.  Enough said.
<.'Sysop_Kalamazoo> Squirrel*

#135 (+|-) (Rated: -293)
<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -152)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#164 (+|-) (Rated: -289)
<.Vista> I don't bugger servers anymore....they just bugger themselves now:-|
<.Vista> !8ball isn't that right Ace?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Of course!

#206 (+|-) (Rated: -270)
Ace (ecA@legend-7494CF05.csc2ya.co.uk) has joined, but is a Clone of Vista & Vista  «4 people»

#156 (+|-) (Rated: -262)
<Locke|Away> Listen, this is purely theoretical, but is it dangerous to get a cat high?
<Boko> only one way to find out o_O
<Locke|Away> Like, not making him eat it or anything, but let's say there is a cat around the smoke.
<Locke|Away> That's not going to hurt the cat or anything, right?
<Odyslep> don't think so
<Odyslep> unless it ODs
<Odyslep> prolly give it a cough too
<Locke|Away> Let's say it hasn't coughed but it keeps trying to jump on top of the TV set and it keeps missing.  
<Locke|Away> Would that sort of cat be in any trouble?

#167 (+|-) (Rated: -245)
<+|neo|> FUCK!!!!!!!!!
<+|neo|> fucking donut
<+|neo|> this is gay
<+|neo|> i bit my lip while eating this donut
<+|neo|> hurt like a bitch
<+|neo|> bout 5 secs later i bit it in the same place again
<+|neo|> then it started bleeding
<@Decco> lol
<+|neo|> then about 20 secs ago i bit the same part again
<sic6sic> neo....dont move
<sic6sic> just....dont move

#210 (+|-) (Rated: -241)
[Lord-Data] Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?

#86 (+|-) (Rated: -297)
<MightyBlueJustice> I need to jack a hole in this floor so I can get the internet hooked up to the comp in the basement.
<MightyBlueJustice> I need more power tools
<MKDemon> You don't have a drill?
<MightyBlueJustice> We do somewhere.
<MightyBlueJustice> All I can find is a power sander and I just don't have that kind of time.

#57 (+|-) (Rated: -250)
<RDrR> FUCK FUCK FUCK
<RDrR> i was tryin to do that spray whippd cream snorting thing
<RDrR> i filled my entire fukin nasal cavity with whipped cream
<RDrR> fuck its bleedin

#40 (+|-) (Rated: -256)
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -135)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)

#67 (+|-) (Rated: -284)
<Skream> Anyone got an IDE controller I can borrow?
<Skream> Mine just caught fire.

#60 (+|-) (Rated: -270)
<Shift_Wreck> OMG guys you gotta hear this
<Shift_Wreck> So i goes to the grocery store to pick up smokes and a frozen pizza.
<Shift_Wreck> I get my things and head to the 12 items or less line.
<Shift_Wreck> i get in line just as the guy in front of me is setting his items down on the conveyor belt thing
<Shift_Wreck> his items were: get this
<Shift_Wreck>  a box of condoms, a medium sized cucumber, a tub of margarine and a 12 pack of beer
<Shift_Wreck> I imediatly am thinking "lolwut?"
<Shift_Wreck> well i couldnt help but make that reverse nasal snort sound you make when your trying to keep from laughing.
<Shift_Wreck> well  i couldnt help but make that reverse nasal snort sound you make when your trying to keep from laughing.
<Shift_Wreck> oops
<Shift_Wreck> the guy and cashere must have heard it because they both turn to look at me
<Shift_Wreck> im grinning from ear to ear now and my eyes are darting from the guys face and the items he had on the belt
<Shift_Wreck> i catch the casheirs eye and i look at her and shes looking at me like 0_0 and shaking her head "no dont!"
<Shift_Wreck> this all was a few seconds but it felt like an eternity...
<Shift_Wreck> well i finaly says to myself: "shift, youve gone this far, may as well say something"
<Shift_Wreck> so i say to the guy (still with this huge grin) "going to a party?"
<Shift_Wreck> The girl just loses it and starts laughing
<Shift_Wreck> the guy just scowls at me
<Shift_Wreck> looks to the girl
<Shift_Wreck> and walks away leaving his items there at the checkout
<Shift_Wreck> it was kinda awkward
<Shift_Wreck> pizzas good though

#180 (+|-) (Rated: -266)
|+p|PsychoSquirrel| Hi turrible Isolde and Star :)
|+p|turrible| hi weirdo
|+p|Isolde| Hi, PsychoSquirter
|+p|Isolde|  Squirrel!!!
|+p|turrible| LOL
|+p|turrible| mmm squirting

#191 (+|-) (Rated: -294)
|+p|ThinkRusty87| lol
|+p|ThinkRusty87| what one of you msged me on searchirc
|+p|ThinkRusty87| well if im not 'welcome here' why havent i been banned?.... also whoever messaged me saying "spamming doesnt get you users".... if YOU had users actually on here, lol
|+p|ThinkRusty87| and dns is down atm.. host is down
|+p|ThinkRusty87| custom php site, custom ajax webchat, custom ircx server-side
|+p|ThinkRusty87| and a 10 server link]
|+p|ThinkRusty87| better than this piece of shit... actually will have users and a site
|+p|ThinkRusty87| dont message me again on searchirc

*At least I don't spam other servers to try and get users*

#154 (+|-) (Rated: -279)
* +NuttyAsh slaps FuzzyFox around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 143. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +NuttyAsh slaps Ace around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 144. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +rangerz attaches c4 and detonates
* +NuttyAsh dies
<+Cat> lol @ Ash going on a rampage

#161 (+|-) (Rated: -291)
<Nightmare> bad timing for a disconnect
<Nightmare> i accidentally busted my pudding all over the floor

#181 (+|-) (Rated: -256)
tachyonizer (~tachyoniz@41.97.94.252) has joined. «78 people»
<tachyonizer> !keep tachyonizer
<@Beschbot> tachyonizer: tachyonizer's shell has already been deleted...
<tachyonizer> fuck you
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> i am budy man can't you wait a fucking day ?????
* tachyonizer was kicked by Beschbot (Bad word detected. (*fuck*) :: [Tue Mar 11 18:19:58 2014] - Banned 0 minutes ·58·)

#211 (+|-) (Rated: -284)
<Vista> I forgot you were logged into it
<Vista> firewall might have got you
<Vista> one sex
<Vista> *sec

#168 (+|-) (Rated: -250)
|+o|FuzzyFox| She has her dongle in a new port

#134 (+|-) (Rated: -238)
<noddy> oops, i banned tgo last night and forgot to remove it :/
<Mortarion> yes you did
<noddy> sorry dude :*(
<The_Gifted_One> yeah, u whore :P
<noddy> :/
<Mortarion> am i gonna have to start checking the ban list when i get up every morning again?
<noddy> again!?
<Mortarion> yes, when i first gave you ops i'd have to check the banlist, usually you hadn't banned anyone in particular, you'd just filled it up with crap banmasks
<Mortarion> i got up one morning and like 40 countries had been banned
<The_Gifted_One> ROFL

#43 (+|-) (Rated: -307)
Original Install Date:     27/07/2009, 22:36:19
System Up Time:            32 Days, 16 Hours, 33 Minutes, 52 Seconds

Note: this was originally posted on the 29th of july 2009 for anyone that doesn't get what's odd about that uptime.

#125 (+|-) (Rated: -236)
<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!

#165 (+|-) (Rated: -281)
<+Steve0> Googlebot lol silly bot
<.Vista> I remember when I used php-nuke
<.Vista> it got stuck following links on the calender
<+Steve0> LOL!
<.Vista> I think it got to 2056 before I booted it's ip

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -89)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#254 (+|-) (Rated: -117)
Craig: probably won't look quite as good as the one I had, but it's the taste that matters....not the looks

#130 (+|-) (Rated: -271)
<~SpiderSheepy> you should have heard me lastnight :|
<~FuzzyFox> she was rather drunk for one
<~SpiderSheepy> i also danced on a pole
<~SpiderSheepy> lol
<+WhiteWolf> SpiderSheepy btw you ever figure out where those handcuffs came from ?
<~SpiderSheepy> with 2 strippers
<~FuzzyFox> Its cute how the more drunk she gets, the more welsh she sounds :P
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> no jason :S
<+WhiteWolf> you so go finger it out
<~FuzzyFox> Finger? :O
<~SpiderSheepy> o.O
<+Lodestone> i wonder if SpiderSheepy will do a pole dance for me when i see her this weekend :p
<~FuzzyFox> whos she fingering now

#147 (+|-) (Rated: -268)
<~zomg> Fgt
<Profash> HELLO
<Profash> Dear Customer, We're facing a major abuse issue with our Canadian segment, we're trying to resolve this case directly with our uplinks, if nothing is resolved within 48hrs we will grab the data from the servers and restore you on a new Canadian segment, we do apologize for the issues caused, we'll keep you notified asap. Thank you.
<~zomg> RIP
<Eck> hope your data is lost
<Eck> bitch

#183 (+|-) (Rated: -275)
<@Andromeda> we only have like 60 dns' :P
<twink|es-> ohh i like it when you talk to me in chinese
<twink|es-> -_-
<Debi> ;)
<@Andromeda> 60 addresses
<@Andromeda> lol

#128 (+|-) (Rated: -252)
* TT205 wants to build a SNOT-HIPPO!!!!
<TT205> *blink*
* TT205 wants to build a SNOW-HIPPO!!!!

#121 (+|-) (Rated: -279)
<.Cemtex> .joke
<.Eco>  Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't have them if they were called cunt scrapes.

#71 (+|-) (Rated: -254)
<SypaNick> You get fisher price sql with MS
<SypaNick> My first SQL server.

#106 (+|-) (Rated: -253)
Anne (34171613@xC-3088C7E4.as13285.net) has joined. «36 people»
Alice sets mode: +v Anne
<+Anne> hi
<+henk506673> hi
<+Anne> Hex are you there?

*Another one talking to a bot*

#50 (+|-) (Rated: -264)
<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set

#99 (+|-) (Rated: -251)
* %iso is eating a helicopter
<%iso> *hamburger
<+cezz> lol
<+cezz> yummy helicoper
<+cezz> what is the nicest bit? I bet it is the propellers
<%iso> The skids
<%iso> They're always nice and cripsy
<+cezz> Ahhh but they can get a bit dirty from time to rime

#97 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
X-LP            • Ozafy we're losing that other server of mine
X-LP            • ummmm
X-LP            • delta!
@DimeCadmium     • xD
@DimeCadmium     • dont even know its name thar?

#73 (+|-) (Rated: -245)
(lawngrl): im gonna insert my ipod in my vagina tonight and go to sleep i love it so much
(Fire_on_High): I'm quite sure that'll void your warranty

#194 (+|-) (Rated: -243)
<Javin> God I need to do laundry.
<Javin> At this point, the underwear I wear are the first ones I'm able to catch.
<Doh_> catch?
<Doh_> you mean there mOVING?
<Javin> Not as fast as the socks, but yes.
<Doh_> heh