Quote Database

#64 (+|-) (Rated: -56)
<@anorexicpoodle> so the cable modem is plugged directly into your comp
<KooGooShii> lemme check
<KooGooShii> yup
<KooGooShii> i just unhooked it and checked
<FinalLancer> /notice me if you get it up, imma gonna be doing stuffs
<KooGooShii> yet im still on the internet
<KooGooShii> isnt that weird
<@anorexicpoodle> uhh
<@anorexicpoodle> what port did you unhook
<KooGooShii> lets see how long i can go without my modem plugged in before i get disconnected!
KooGooShii «~aliasmpu@24.114.112.97» has Quit iRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

#211 (+|-) (Rated: -60)
<Vista> I forgot you were logged into it
<Vista> firewall might have got you
<Vista> one sex
<Vista> *sec

#217 (+|-) (Rated: -56)
Craig: i'll terminate the account for your old domain
Zac: I don't like the sound of that
I don't like being 'terminated'

#36 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

#89 (+|-) (Rated: -57)
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah.  Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'

#76 (+|-) (Rated: -58)
<datacide> i just wanted to type shutdown -r now
<datacide> and what i typed was stfu -r now
<datacide> and for a moment...it looked as though the damn machine was gonna do soemthing
<datacide> like a....stfu hidden binary

#113 (+|-) (Rated: -43)
Jamie Robinson: Ta for the links luckily it is for someone at work so i dont have to get any viri lol
Craig Turner: lol
Jamie Robinson: Im fed up of viri avast report its own virus definitions update as infected the other day lol

#43 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
Original Install Date:     27/07/2009, 22:36:19
System Up Time:            32 Days, 16 Hours, 33 Minutes, 52 Seconds

Note: this was originally posted on the 29th of july 2009 for anyone that doesn't get what's odd about that uptime.

#107 (+|-) (Rated: -37)
<Joah> texas
<+Alias> lol
<+Availea> Kentucky
<+Availea> Since we're randomly naming states :P
<+Alias> canada
<+V4mpire> canada is a country
<~clarjon1> confusion
<+Alias> I know
<~clarjon1> confusion, emergency, insanity, panic....
<~clarjon1> since we're naming states.

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -53)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#102 (+|-) (Rated: -43)
Simon Purser says
i've tried to make it a basst loadingic theme f
oops
Craig Turner says
lmao
Simon Purser says
basic theme fast loading

#180 (+|-) (Rated: -58)
|+p|PsychoSquirrel| Hi turrible Isolde and Star :)
|+p|turrible| hi weirdo
|+p|Isolde| Hi, PsychoSquirter
|+p|Isolde|  Squirrel!!!
|+p|turrible| LOL
|+p|turrible| mmm squirting

#215 (+|-) (Rated: -63)
Darkpsy__ (~ident@71.60.142.24) has joined, but is a Clone of Guest9205  «6 people»
Guest9205 «~ident@71.60.142.24» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) «5 people»
<Vista> lol....it's getting longer O_O

#176 (+|-) (Rated: -59)
<Chappy> how did you go online?
<Quasi> I'm on someone else's wireless.
<Chappy> oh really??? that s great!
<Quasi> It's not too bad, but I have to stay completely still or it disconnects.
<Quasi> I'm getting horrific leg cramps, but great download speeds.

#68 (+|-) (Rated: -46)
<Ephialtes> ugh
<Ephialtes> I.
<Ephialtes> Am.
<Ephialtes> Wet.
<Ephialtes> infact I am BEYOND wet
<Ephialtes> I am soaked
<Ephialtes> no wait, I am beyond soaked
<Ephialtes> I am drenched
<Ephialtes> and I may be beyond that
*** Ephialtes has been kicked off channel #ev3 by zambezi (flood)

#189 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
<Charles> The best story involves a bestiality site. No, really, it does.

There was this bestiality site that used our software. I don't even remember what it was now but we would get calls quite often. People would call and say "I would like to cancel my account" and we would try to find them in our database. After quite a bit of looking we would say "well this is for IPS right" and they would say "no it's for animal lovers anonymous" ...

Then of course there's the awkward silence. Where you now know that the person on the other end of the phone likes Bambi a bit too much. So then you have to say "um I think you're calling the wrong people" ...

Then there's another awkward silence where THEY now know that YOU know that they enjoy cuddling with Snoopy on cold evenings.

It was a combination of creepy and amusing at the same time. This went on for a couple months actually.

#131 (+|-) (Rated: -60)
<SMW> howdy Ian
<SMW> how you doin tonight?
<Ian_Sharpe> same as always
<Ian_Sharpe> still smoking
<Ian_Sharpe> drinking too
<Protector> Seems you have something against internal organs that begin with the letter "L"

#169 (+|-) (Rated: -57)
* fire_star is now marked as away: brb
|*|owner/host WackyDude has dehosted fire_star
* WackyDude sets mode: -a fire_star
|*|owner/host WackyDude has voiced fire_star
* fire_star has returned
|*|owner/host WackyDude has made fire_star a host
* WackyDude sets mode: +a fire_star
|+v|Broxi| Fuck its back, hide.

#147 (+|-) (Rated: -58)
<~zomg> Fgt
<Profash> HELLO
<Profash> Dear Customer, We're facing a major abuse issue with our Canadian segment, we're trying to resolve this case directly with our uplinks, if nothing is resolved within 48hrs we will grab the data from the servers and restore you on a new Canadian segment, we do apologize for the issues caused, we'll keep you notified asap. Thank you.
<~zomg> RIP
<Eck> hope your data is lost
<Eck> bitch

#145 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
<FuzzyFox-Away> A 1 million pound prize was offered to any university who could explain why the end of a mans penis is helmet shaped.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Cambridge concluded it was to give the man more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Oxford concluded it was to give the woman more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The 'university' of Glasgow spent the afternoon in the pub and concluded it was to stop your hand slipping off.

#195 (+|-) (Rated: -52)
<nemovc>i once found the text strings stored in the bios of my old 286. not far from the standard "Keyboard error, press F1 to continue." message was "CPU not found. System halted."
<nemovc>i always wondered how they intended to display that message

#151 (+|-) (Rated: -60)
<Swift> I need lemonade.
<dmc2> I hate it when my sound goes blurry.
<supakoopa> i hate when my video gets loud.

#214 (+|-) (Rated: -42)
<.Vista> so enabling the firewall just changes the route on the switch to send it fm thereo the firewall
<.Vista> and damn that sentence really got messed up:-|
<.Vista> I think my insert key got pressed somehow
<.Vista> which is odd as this laptop doesn't appear to have an insert key
<.Vista> ah...it does....just noticed it
<.Vista> insert was disabled

#50 (+|-) (Rated: -58)
<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set

#202 (+|-) (Rated: -54)
Zac: Good it’s working already Bahama
Bahaha*

#71 (+|-) (Rated: -54)
<SypaNick> You get fisher price sql with MS
<SypaNick> My first SQL server.

#132 (+|-) (Rated: -43)
<myliw0rk> There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
<myliw0rk> This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

#42 (+|-) (Rated: -52)
Jameleous says:
i was just typing "the service has been good on o2 since i turned off 3g, reset and turned it back on" - 5 bars generally
as i typed it said error - cannot send message as network is not found
NO SERVICE at the top

#219 (+|-) (Rated: -52)
Craig Turner: /me loads up the quote database, and gently strokes his screen while thinking how wierd it looks

#122 (+|-) (Rated: -46)
<+Vivcool> How do I use thunderbird as my email?
<+Vivcool> I don't like the x10's web mail
<+Skizzerz> see the link under "Access Webmail" next to the email account that says "Configure Email Client"?
<+Skizzerz> yeah, click that
<+Skizzerz> tells you everything you need to know
<+Vivcool> What do you use?

#63 (+|-) (Rated: -39)
from AusHost     - Your vhost of Listening.To.Hard.Trance.From.My.ShoutCast.Server is now activated.
                    • Ace [~admin@Serving.Hard.Trance.From.My.ShoutCast.Server] has joined #4-IRC

#236 (+|-) (Rated: -1)
Craig: hmmm....thought I was going mad then....forgot how to change who I show up as when liking page poasts..lol
Craig: and wtf is a poast????
Craig: lol

#37 (+|-) (Rated: -53)
<+Dr_Link> SSL certificate: $30.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Dell mainframe server: $1.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Discount cupon: -$80,000.
<+Dr_Link> Getting hacked by a POST injection: Priceless.

#101 (+|-) (Rated: -51)
<@Vista> oops:-S
* @Vista makes a mental note: make sure you configure things properly....you don't get over 2000 emails about a cron job error in a mailbox that's never checked then:-|

#135 (+|-) (Rated: -56)
<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

#213 (+|-) (Rated: -60)
* .Vista yawns
<.Ace> Ace shoves a whole pizza in Vista 's mouth and laughs while watching them choke
* .Vista ynaws
<.Ace> Ace svheos a wohle pziza ni Vista 's mtouh nad lhguas wihle wtchniag tehm cohke:-P

#92 (+|-) (Rated: -58)
<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't your first guess? God dammit.

#220 (+|-) (Rated: -60)
<Tracer[Quoting]> a friend of mine told me once that he is so unlucky that if he would fall into a barrel of nipples, he would come out sucking his thumb
<eelhovercraft> The concept of a barrel full of nipples frightens me

#152 (+|-) (Rated: -56)
<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or some shit
<Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit
<Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii"
<Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers"
<Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola

#119 (+|-) (Rated: -45)
<+plat_> "sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds"

#191 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
|+p|ThinkRusty87| lol
|+p|ThinkRusty87| what one of you msged me on searchirc
|+p|ThinkRusty87| well if im not 'welcome here' why havent i been banned?.... also whoever messaged me saying "spamming doesnt get you users".... if YOU had users actually on here, lol
|+p|ThinkRusty87| and dns is down atm.. host is down
|+p|ThinkRusty87| custom php site, custom ajax webchat, custom ircx server-side
|+p|ThinkRusty87| and a 10 server link]
|+p|ThinkRusty87| better than this piece of shit... actually will have users and a site
|+p|ThinkRusty87| dont message me again on searchirc

*At least I don't spam other servers to try and get users*

#94 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
<Adun|Oblivion> "The ejaculation of a dolphin carries so much force with it, that it could decapitate you."
<ChaosSmurf> You know
<ChaosSmurf> This is why Dolphins are ALWAYS happy
<ChaosSmurf> They're just sitting there going "Yeah, bitches, I can decapitate you with my sperm"

#234 (+|-) (Rated: -8)
<HeadGuru> Yes keep it shit, or I will shut it for you lol
<HeadGuru> OMFG shut* keep it shut*

#154 (+|-) (Rated: -59)
* +NuttyAsh slaps FuzzyFox around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 143. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +NuttyAsh slaps Ace around a bit with a large trout
* +Ace takes NuttyAsh's trout and puts it back in the river. Trouts Saved: 144. - Supported by the RSPCT (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trouts.)
* +rangerz attaches c4 and detonates
* +NuttyAsh dies
<+Cat> lol @ Ash going on a rampage

#212 (+|-) (Rated: -65)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#51 (+|-) (Rated: -47)
<jws> You just *know* you have a virus when you see this:
<jws> (D:) Local Disk
<jws> Total size: 66631337 GB

#162 (+|-) (Rated: -57)
* .Vista kisses
* .Vista blinks:-|
<.Vista> WTF!!!!????:-|
* .Vista tries that again
* .Vista yawns

#175 (+|-) (Rated: -64)
night98|away «night98@boy.from.venus» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus crazy.janus) «98 people»
TBBTNut «~tbbtnut@netadmin.TBBTNet.com» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus tbbt.janus) «97 people»
night98 «~night98@boy.from.venus» has Quit iRC (TBBTNet.janus tbbt.janus) «96 people»
<+one_eight_seven> (Netsplit Detector) Netsplit between TBBTNet.janus and crazy.janus - Invincible
<+one_eight_seven> (Netsplit Detector) Netsplit between TBBTNet.janus and tbbt.janus - Invincible

*Can't help thinking that's like getting hit by a car and being told afterwards 'there's a car coming'*

#141 (+|-) (Rated: -52)
<D|S-Alias> my balls are in such gay positions
<D|S-Alias> they are all on one side in a cluster
<D|S-random> i fuckin hate that
<D|S-random> when they stick to ur leg
<D|S-random> ER
<D|S-random> i just wanna rip them off
<D|S-Alias> im talking about pool yo

#48 (+|-) (Rated: -41)
<kittense> that's like kiddy porn or something:?
<HolloW> its porn with a baby in it but i wouldnt classify it as kiddy porn
<kittense> i wonder what more people look at
<kittense> the cooter or the baby
<kittense> the baby is much cuter
<kittense> that is one ugly cooter
<HolloW> what is a cooter?
<kittense> you never had a cooter?
<HolloW> i just dont know what it is
<kittense> snatch
<kittense> you know what snatch is?
<HolloW> no
<kittense> poontang?
<HolloW> a word that may exist in the english dictionary?
<kittense> umm
<kittense> pussy?
<kittense> cunt?
<kittense> twat?
<kittense> any of those ring a bell?
<HolloW> got it