ChatNSN Quotes

#284 (+|-) (Rated: -31)
<r3pwn> Pretty sure something just exploded next door
<r3pwn> but I still have power so I'm okay
<IllegalArgument> Exploding things next door tend to not be good...
<r3pwn> There's no screaming (the neighbors whose house the sound came from have like 6 kids), so I guess it's okay
<IllegalArgument> Either it was insignificant enough not to warrant screaming, or they all perished in the blast

#153 (+|-) (Rated: -416)
<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones. Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.

#283 (+|-) (Rated: -23)
Jamie: it was spurting from the hose

#89 (+|-) (Rated: -377)
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah. Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'

#83 (+|-) (Rated: -384)
<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

#219 (+|-) (Rated: -380)
Craig Turner: /me loads up the quote database, and gently strokes his screen while thinking how wierd it looks

#57 (+|-) (Rated: -366)
<RDrR> FUCK FUCK FUCK
<RDrR> i was tryin to do that spray whippd cream snorting thing
<RDrR> i filled my entire fukin nasal cavity with whipped cream
<RDrR> fuck its bleedin

#213 (+|-) (Rated: -383)
* .Vista yawns
<.Ace> Ace shoves a whole pizza in Vista 's mouth and laughs while watching them choke
* .Vista ynaws
<.Ace> Ace svheos a wohle pziza ni Vista 's mtouh nad lhguas wihle wtchniag tehm cohke:-P

#257 (+|-) (Rated: -268)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.

Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.

#249 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#113 (+|-) (Rated: -352)
Jamie Robinson: Ta for the links luckily it is for someone at work so i dont have to get any viri lol
Craig Turner: lol
Jamie Robinson: Im fed up of viri avast report its own virus definitions update as infected the other day lol

#38 (+|-) (Rated: -410)
chrismat: Oki offtopic question. If a laptop bluescreens during first install, and then when you are using it what is the cause?
DBuzz: windows

#162 (+|-) (Rated: -387)
* .Vista kisses
* .Vista blinks:-|
<.Vista> WTF!!!!????:-|
* .Vista tries that again
* .Vista yawns

#140 (+|-) (Rated: -379)
<blitzoid> Goddamn... skid marks on underwear are bad, but you know you've been sitting for too long when you see them on your chair.

#176 (+|-) (Rated: -352)
<Chappy> how did you go online?
<Quasi> I'm on someone else's wireless.
<Chappy> oh really??? that s great!
<Quasi> It's not too bad, but I have to stay completely still or it disconnects.
<Quasi> I'm getting horrific leg cramps, but great download speeds.

#122 (+|-) (Rated: -407)
<+Vivcool> How do I use thunderbird as my email?
<+Vivcool> I don't like the x10's web mail
<+Skizzerz> see the link under "Access Webmail" next to the email account that says "Configure Email Client"?
<+Skizzerz> yeah, click that
<+Skizzerz> tells you everything you need to know
<+Vivcool> What do you use?

#267 (+|-) (Rated: -134)
Jamie: but.. it was months after I looked that up by which time I already stopped and I'm not taking the tablets again in case it was the omezeopropofololol

#51 (+|-) (Rated: -307)
<jws> You just *know* you have a virus when you see this:
<jws> (D:) Local Disk
<jws> Total size: 66631337 GB

#218 (+|-) (Rated: -445)
Craig: yep
Craig: I'll keep everything crossed for you
Craig: hmm....actually...maybe not everything *winces*
😜
Zac: Don't cross your balls, they will turn blue. And blue balls aren't a good thing LOL
Zac: OMG stop reading my mind 😕
Craig: lol

#187 (+|-) (Rated: -366)
<Baby-d> I set up a shoutcast last night while I was pretty wasted, it's fuckin tight though
<SilverJag> I guess
<Baby-d> you guess!?!
<Baby-d> show some more enthusiasim!
<Baby-d> :)
<SilverJag> I cant I have diahreaa

#125 (+|-) (Rated: -359)
<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!

#41 (+|-) (Rated: -358)
<Helix> fuck
<Helix> my back right tire is flat
<Helix> this is lame
<Owashawa> change it and put the spare on
<Owashawa> problem solved
<Helix> then i have to change it
<Helix> and its cold
<Helix> and wet and shit
<irn> You fucking girl
<irn> get out there
<irn> What if your wife's water broke and you had to take her to hospital, eh?
<Helix> it'd make it
<Helix> besides, that's what ambulances are for
<irn> what if your vehicle IS the ambulance?
<Helix> ill know a thing or two about assiting birth
<Helix> besides, im gay and exempt from your question
<irn> What if your boyfriend got stuck in an inflatable suit during a balloon fetish romp?
<Helix> id masterbate until i passed out

#212 (+|-) (Rated: -326)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -238)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#215 (+|-) (Rated: -357)
Darkpsy__ (~ident@71.60.142.24) has joined, but is a Clone of Guest9205 «6 people»
Guest9205 «~ident@71.60.142.24» has Quit iRC (Connection reset by peer) «5 people»
<Vista> lol....it's getting longer O_O

#148 (+|-) (Rated: -354)
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate flash?
<+Broxi> more lubricant
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate java?
<+Broxi> give it a push
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate irc?
<+Broxi> drink volvic first, then try
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate mirc?
<+Broxi> Industrial light and magic.
<+forever_delayed> Broxi how do you rate wackychat?
<+Broxi> using the power of greyskull
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate telnet?
<+Broxi> Try twisting.

#171 (+|-) (Rated: -354)
(%[E]lVirus) I find vasoline is a terrible lube - everytime I try to wash it off , I get aroused again

#262 (+|-) (Rated: -203)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: 🤣
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol

#53 (+|-) (Rated: -334)
<pils> An email from a friend:
<pils> one guy in my office thought the firewall access to the users pc's was
<pils> dependant on the colour of the ethernet cable, so he was hunting for
<pils> the red "high access" cable this morning, to swap it for his yellow
<pils> "normal access" cable.......
<Phil> colour coding cables is one thing
<Phil> that's just insane

#40 (+|-) (Rated: -345)
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#109 (+|-) (Rated: -366)
<+sb> @ Anna plz tell me who is besides
<+Anna> I'd strongly advise against buggering ANY staffmember through email about the script. Make a thread in the forums and they *might* answer eventually
<+sb> uhooooooo
<+sb> i found it
<+sb> http://code.google.com/p/eris-flash-irc-client/
<+sb> check and tell me
<+sb> how to use it
<+Anna> I don't KNOW what script was setup here, and I was NOT part of setting it up, so I would have no clue on that
<+Anna> there's hopefully instructions included
<+barefoot> Anna ... you might not want to use "buggering" in the future
<+Anna> ok
<+Sierra> Oh god, nice typo

#49 (+|-) (Rated: -360)
<space> got any good tunes to spare?
<ToRMeNTeD> tons
<ToRMeNTeD> what kind
<space> whatever
<space> im easy
<ToRMeNTeD> thas what Im listening to now
<space> lol shit i got no speakers yet brb
<ToRMeNTeD> askin fer music wif no speakas
<ToRMeNTeD> sprocket what are we gonna do wif you
<PsyHawk> like a blind man asking for magnifying glass
<ToRMeNTeD> classic
<space> heheh lame award
<space> im like that fucker sent me blank tracks

#181 (+|-) (Rated: -385)
tachyonizer (~tachyoniz@41.97.94.252) has joined. «78 people»
<tachyonizer> !keep tachyonizer
<@Beschbot> tachyonizer: tachyonizer's shell has already been deleted...
<tachyonizer> fuck you
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> i am budy man can't you wait a fucking day ?????
* tachyonizer was kicked by Beschbot (Bad word detected. (*fuck*) :: [Tue Mar 11 18:19:58 2014] - Banned 0 minutes ·58·)

#42 (+|-) (Rated: -404)
Jameleous says:
i was just typing "the service has been good on o2 since i turned off 3g, reset and turned it back on" - 5 bars generally
as i typed it said error - cannot send message as network is not found
NO SERVICE at the top

#237 (+|-) (Rated: -287)
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

#253 (+|-) (Rated: -240)
Lol... The ultimate dark mode... Being put under anaesthetic 😂

#120 (+|-) (Rated: -434)
<+Neil> Hey rewq, I'm here if I can still assist you.
<+Neil> Let me take a minute to read the conversation (I just got back)
<+Neil> Alright, so, you said you've paid $2.95 for three months. What service did you sign up for?
<+Neil> Taking a look here, it seems you've signed up for our Prime package.
<+Neil> ..
<+Neil> And, I've been talking to myself, because ZNC decided not to tell me he quit.

#88 (+|-) (Rated: -367)
[Luke]: I must say my mum is bad when it comes to security. Norton says her download is a virus, so she disables norton and runs the exe. FFS!!!

#183 (+|-) (Rated: -440)
<@Andromeda> we only have like 60 dns' :P
<twink|es-> ohh i like it when you talk to me in chinese
<twink|es-> -_-
<Debi> ;)
<@Andromeda> 60 addresses
<@Andromeda> lol

#279 (+|-) (Rated: -38)
If you ever code something that "feels like a hack but it works," just remember that a CPU is literally a rock that we tricked into thinking.

Not to oversimplify: first you have to flatten the rock and put lightning inside it

#266 (+|-) (Rated: -181)
Jamie: T last lol
Jamie: a
Jamie: lol
Jamie: I'm saluvotatong

#206 (+|-) (Rated: -386)
Ace (ecA@legend-7494CF05.csc2ya.co.uk) has joined, but is a Clone of Vista & Vista «4 people»

#47 (+|-) (Rated: -384)
[16:35] *** Quits: Ser_Olmy_ (*.easynet.net ircnet.easynet.co.uk)
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[20:39] <data[moo]> ircnet in the wash today or summit?
[20:39] <data[moo]> seems to be shrinking a bit

#126 (+|-) (Rated: -398)
<+AnImAtIoN> could be worse
<~SpiderSheepy> gah
<+AnImAtIoN> i could be like this
<+AnImAtIoN> Laught Out Loud
<~SpiderSheepy> can i ban him?
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> LAUGH*
<+Broxi> :O
<~SpiderSheepy> making me squint
<+Lefteris/Chat> xaaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxax
<+AnImAtIoN> read properly then
<~FuzzyFox> Please
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> OMG i thought you said it's making me squirt
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> i was like WHAT?
<+AnImAtIoN> rofl
<~FuzzyFox> LOL
<~SpiderSheepy> sick lol
<+AnImAtIoN> yah mon
<+hell-of-the-dev/ddc> was about to ask if i could watch :/

#133 (+|-) (Rated: -384)
<.Vista> agh.....fucking craneflies:@
<.Vista> pissing me off now
<DigitalEquinox> I must be getting tired, I thought that said cornflakes, I had to read it twice. :/

#65 (+|-) (Rated: -325)
Topic from a Vista help forum:

gohan2091: When I put my PC to sleep, the slightest movement of the mouse (such as when I slide the keyboard stand under the desk) brings my PC out of sleep. I know a bit about software so off I went into the obvious.... the mouse settings (control panel). I unticked the option "Allow this device to wake the computer" and hit OK but it doesn't appear to be working. I can still bring my PC out of sleep by moving the mouse.

mark: Strange but true:

Accepted Microsoft answer to this problem: turn the mouse upside down

Quote Database