Quote Database

#261 (+|-) (Rated: -8)
Jamie Robinson: toad in the road
Jamie Robinson: autocorrect šŸ˜‚
Craig Turner: Nope...a roast....but not road in the hole
Jamie Robinson: lol
Craig Turner: Fuck
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: wtf lol
Craig Turner: *toad....lolšŸ¤£
Jamie Robinson: fuck the toad?
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: or the road šŸ˜±
Jamie Robinson: it'll explode lol
Jamie Robinson: that rhymes with toad šŸ˜‰
Craig Turner: šŸ¤£
Jamie Robinson: I do believe that's the most abstract chat.. I've ever done lol
Craig Turner: LmaošŸ¤£

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -55)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#260 (+|-) (Rated: -59)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#257 (+|-) (Rated: -60)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.

Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.

#259 (+|-) (Rated: -61)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#256 (+|-) (Rated: -72)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#252 (+|-) (Rated: -75)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer  updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button

#254 (+|-) (Rated: -90)
Craig: probably won't look quite as good as the one I had, but it's the taste that matters....not the looks

#249 (+|-) (Rated: -92)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#253 (+|-) (Rated: -94)
Lol... The ultimate dark mode... Being put under anaesthetic šŸ˜‚

#248 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
I've worked on DNS for 20 years, can someone clue me in on this fustercluck?

#250 (+|-) (Rated: -99)
Jamie: I may be on and offline more whilst I struggle cough I mean experiment with Linux and grapple the bootstrap

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -99)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)

#246 (+|-) (Rated: -124)
Jamie: lol nice - next time you order something - buy a taser too - so you can zap the delivery driver and take the remaining stock
"Jamie - promoting ethics in society"

#251 (+|-) (Rated: -125)
10 PRINT "Question: Are you going to switch to Linux?"
20 PRINT"Reply: No, I've told you this already"
30 PRINT"lol :D"
20 GOTO 10

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -126)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#242 (+|-) (Rated: -127)
So, not only will Google know when I have been searching for porn on the internet, it will now also know how fast my hand has been moving immediately afterwards! šŸ¤’šŸ¤’
Not that I ever look for porn on the internet of course....just asking for a friend!

#244 (+|-) (Rated: -134)
Craig: Hopefully this will work
Craig: Yeast... it worked
Craig: Well....almost.. lol
Craig: that was meant to be 'yay'

#237 (+|-) (Rated: -144)
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

#240 (+|-) (Rated: -145)
Jamie: I hope they don't link up the 3.5" floppy lol. There will be no response
Jamie: Controller is knackered

#245 (+|-) (Rated: -169)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)

#243 (+|-) (Rated: -172)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P

#241 (+|-) (Rated: -176)
Ellie Wright: Is there a cow shortage that I'm unaware of?

#239 (+|-) (Rated: -190)
Jamie: I'd love to link up my 3.5" floppy with a computer, but the conductivity of my skin is not enough.

#118 (+|-) (Rated: -194)
Craig - ChatNSN Radio is back online - http://radio.csc2ya.co.uk:8000;): Message may have not been sent because a timeout occurred:
Mini: its puttin me in time out im not a damn kid
Mini: *pouts*
<SharkTooth> dont even think of qdb'in that

#36 (+|-) (Rated: -196)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

#97 (+|-) (Rated: -197)
X-LP            ā€¢ Ozafy we're losing that other server of mine
X-LP            ā€¢ ummmm
X-LP            ā€¢ delta!
@DimeCadmium     ā€¢ xD
@DimeCadmium     ā€¢ dont even know its name thar?

#48 (+|-) (Rated: -203)
<kittense> that's like kiddy porn or something:?
<HolloW> its porn with a baby in it but i wouldnt classify it as kiddy porn
<kittense> i wonder what more people look at
<kittense> the cooter or the baby
<kittense> the baby is much cuter
<kittense> that is one ugly cooter
<HolloW> what is a cooter?
<kittense> you never had a cooter?
<HolloW> i just dont know what it is
<kittense> snatch
<kittense> you know what snatch is?
<HolloW> no
<kittense> poontang?
<HolloW> a word that may exist in the english dictionary?
<kittense> umm
<kittense> pussy?
<kittense> cunt?
<kittense> twat?
<kittense> any of those ring a bell?
<HolloW> got it

#195 (+|-) (Rated: -203)
<nemovc>i once found the text strings stored in the bios of my old 286. not far from the standard "Keyboard error, press F1 to continue." message was "CPU not found. System halted."
<nemovc>i always wondered how they intended to display that message

#238 (+|-) (Rated: -203)
Jamie: lol all those days I used to pound the 3.5" floppy lol

#236 (+|-) (Rated: -204)
Craig: hmmm....thought I was going mad then....forgot how to change who I show up as when liking page poasts..lol
Craig: and wtf is a poast????
Craig: lol

#91 (+|-) (Rated: -205)
<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose?  
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water

#53 (+|-) (Rated: -207)
<pils> An email from a friend:
<pils> one guy in my office thought the firewall access to the users pc's was
<pils> dependant on the colour of the ethernet cable, so he was hunting for
<pils> the red "high access" cable this morning, to swap it for his yellow
<pils> "normal access" cable.......
<Phil> colour coding cables is one thing
<Phil> that's just insane

#44 (+|-) (Rated: -208)
Icez            ā€¢ does Bandit still come here
SharkTooth      ā€¢ ?
SharkTooth      ā€¢ yes
SharkTooth      ā€ŗ looks at bandit
SharkTooth      ā€ŗ waves and yells IM RIGHT HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SharkTooth      ā€¢ Duh
Icez            ā€¢ ohh

#77 (+|-) (Rated: -209)
<sano_> argh
<sano_> i just wrote a backup script
<sano_> and then i overwrote it
<sano_> and i dont have a backup of it

#111 (+|-) (Rated: -209)
<+Sierra> Marshy: You could try using storage sites like mediaforage and sendspace
<+Sierra> mediafire*
<+Sierra> I have no idea where forage came from

#113 (+|-) (Rated: -209)
Jamie Robinson: Ta for the links luckily it is for someone at work so i dont have to get any viri lol
Craig Turner: lol
Jamie Robinson: Im fed up of viri avast report its own virus definitions update as infected the other day lol

#51 (+|-) (Rated: -212)
<jws> You just *know* you have a virus when you see this:
<jws> (D:) Local Disk
<jws> Total size: 66631337 GB

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#145 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
<FuzzyFox-Away> A 1 million pound prize was offered to any university who could explain why the end of a mans penis is helmet shaped.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Cambridge concluded it was to give the man more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Oxford concluded it was to give the woman more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The 'university' of Glasgow spent the afternoon in the pub and concluded it was to stop your hand slipping off.

#193 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
<@Yenkaz> "You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons."
<@Yenkaz> i mean.. wtf
<@Yenkaz> I'd admire anyone capable of using itunes to produce any weapon of mass destruction

#107 (+|-) (Rated: -214)
<Joah> texas
<+Alias> lol
<+Availea> Kentucky
<+Availea> Since we're randomly naming states :P
<+Alias> canada
<+V4mpire> canada is a country
<~clarjon1> confusion
<+Alias> I know
<~clarjon1> confusion, emergency, insanity, panic....
<~clarjon1> since we're naming states.

#41 (+|-) (Rated: -215)
<Helix> fuck
<Helix> my back right tire is flat
<Helix> this is lame
<Owashawa> change it and put the spare on
<Owashawa> problem solved
<Helix> then i have to change it
<Helix> and its cold
<Helix> and wet and shit
<irn> You fucking girl
<irn> get out there
<irn> What if your wife's water broke and you had to take her to hospital, eh?
<Helix> it'd make it
<Helix> besides, that's what ambulances are for
<irn> what if your vehicle IS the ambulance?
<Helix> ill know a thing or two about assiting birth
<Helix> besides, im gay and exempt from your question
<irn> What if your boyfriend got stuck in an inflatable suit during a balloon fetish romp?
<Helix> id masterbate until i passed out

#112 (+|-) (Rated: -215)
<+skatzifromtwogen> Restart my whole computer
<+skatzifromtwogen> and my website still won't load.
<+Johan> are you an administrator?
Johan Ā«61728065@xC-A4EEB02A.ks.ok.cox.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Client exited) Ā«31 peopleĀ»
<+skatzifromtwogen> Yes i am
<+Sierra> skatzifromtwogen: Did you contact your ISP?
<+Sierra> skatzifromtwogen: And he was asking if you were an x10 administrator I think XD
Johan (61728065@xC-A4EEB02A.ks.ok.cox.net) has joined. Ā«32 peopleĀ»
Alice sets mode: +v Johan
<+skatzifromtwogen> No i didn't contact them
nxcorex (53152468@xC-7E964982.dsl.teksavvy.com) has joined. Ā«33 peopleĀ»
Alice sets mode: +v nxcorex
<+nxcorex> hello
<+skatzifromtwogen> I am 14. and have no power in talking to my internet providor.
<+skatzifromtwogen> also
<+nxcorex> can anyone tell me if it's possible to run ssl and magneto
<+skatzifromtwogen> I am the one who made my site
<+skatzifromtwogen> so yet i am the admin of the hosting
<+nxcorex> on premium pack 3 years?
<+skatzifromtwogen> So long story short. Yes i am the Admin/ maker of the site.
<+skatzifromtwogen> So i own the x10hosting login for twogengamerz

#134 (+|-) (Rated: -215)
<noddy> oops, i banned tgo last night and forgot to remove it :/
<Mortarion> yes you did
<noddy> sorry dude :*(
<The_Gifted_One> yeah, u whore :P
<noddy> :/
<Mortarion> am i gonna have to start checking the ban list when i get up every morning again?
<noddy> again!?
<Mortarion> yes, when i first gave you ops i'd have to check the banlist, usually you hadn't banned anyone in particular, you'd just filled it up with crap banmasks
<Mortarion> i got up one morning and like 40 countries had been banned
<The_Gifted_One> ROFL

#171 (+|-) (Rated: -215)
(%[E]lVirus) I find vasoline is a terrible lube - everytime I try to wash it off , I get aroused again

#89 (+|-) (Rated: -216)
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah.  Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'

#108 (+|-) (Rated: -216)
Alice Ā«availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) Ā«48 peopleĀ»
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ā€”I-n-v-i-s-i-o-nā€” Netsplit Detected. Ā«Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.NetĀ»
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<+Gothic_Goddess> oh oh
<+f0rte> o.o
<+Gothic_Goddess> bye bye yall
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PinkSmurf sets mode: +qo Availea Availea
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Red-Dragon sets mode: +vvvvv Alice Angie` BlueEyes Declawed VJTD3
<+Gothic_Goddess> wb yall

#210 (+|-) (Rated: -216)
[Lord-Data] Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?

#182 (+|-) (Rated: -217)
<grapenuts> green, blue, golden piss color... its all the same once it hits your blood, it's all sugar
<grapenuts> Andromeda:  'cept the flesh of a slaughtered cow
<@Andromeda> actually its mostly ginseng
<grapenuts> or pigs
<@Andromeda> which is worse

*I joined the server to see this bizzare conversation*