Quote Database

#262 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
Craig: Penises and veg?
Craig: šŸ¤£
Jamie: oil
Jamie: no that was autocorrect lol

#263 (+|-) (Rated: -12)
Jamie: Will you marry this Lenovo Laptop šŸ˜€
Craig: yep...lol
Jamie: I wonder how it would give the ring - perhaps 3D print it? lol
Jamie: With a printer linked by usb
Jamie:lol
"Will you take all they have - all 16Gb" šŸ˜®
Jamie: lol
Craig: dvd drive opens, and it's sitting on the trayšŸ˜‚
Jamie: "To hold and to cherish - to defragment every so often" lol
Jamie: lol
Craig: or.....the tray comes out, and becomes the ring
Jamie: That would be so "sweet" lol
Jamie: Or...
Jamie: the ring would be the weights in the mouse
Jamie: You just have to unlock the bottom
lol
Craig: Mark Zuckerberg is currently thinking 'what the fuck are those 2 going on about?'

#261 (+|-) (Rated: -21)
Jamie Robinson: toad in the road
Jamie Robinson: autocorrect šŸ˜‚
Craig Turner: Nope...a roast....but not road in the hole
Jamie Robinson: lol
Craig Turner: Fuck
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: wtf lol
Craig Turner: *toad....lolšŸ¤£
Jamie Robinson: fuck the toad?
Jamie Robinson: lol
Jamie Robinson: or the road šŸ˜±
Jamie Robinson: it'll explode lol
Jamie Robinson: that rhymes with toad šŸ˜‰
Craig Turner: šŸ¤£
Jamie Robinson: I do believe that's the most abstract chat.. I've ever done lol
Craig Turner: LmaošŸ¤£

#258 (+|-) (Rated: -89)
<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /devhda1/ && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo && chroot /mnt/gentoo && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && /scripts/bootstrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

#257 (+|-) (Rated: -91)
Scientist #1: lets call these Long Legs because of their long legs.

Scientist #2: Hmmm... nope. Not kinky enough.

#259 (+|-) (Rated: -93)
I didn't think that after selecting "Computer Studies" at school that it would lead to baldness, high blood pressure, a reliance on burgers and eventually insanity :D...
Of which only the last 2 decades since I have been compiling Linux from scratch have I noticed all the symptoms :P

#252 (+|-) (Rated: -96)
Jamie: lol it would be easier if they just had a button which says defer  updates apart from 1 latest patch
Jamie: mind you... that's a lot of text for one button

#260 (+|-) (Rated: -97)
Jamie Robinson: It would be good if each parcle.. had a camera lol
Craig Turner: parcle????!!!!!
Craig Turner: lmao
Jamie Robinson: lol damn
Jamie Robinson: I actually wanted to say parcle
Jamie Robinson: but I typed parcel lol
Jamie Robinson: or...
Jamie Robinson: they keyboard is failing lol
Craig Turner: psml!!!!!
Jamie Robinson: I've never mispelled it before :)
Jamie Robinson: So it must be the latter
Craig Turner: oh fuck.....got the s and the m the wrong way round
Jamie Robinson: S and M?
Jamie Robinson: Sounds a bit kinky :D
Craig Turner: erm.....not that i'm in to s and m *looks around shiftily*

#256 (+|-) (Rated: -108)
I was wondering if PCs have feelings...
Looking for the clues in the big finger sticking up at me emoticon...

#250 (+|-) (Rated: -112)
Jamie: I may be on and offline more whilst I struggle cough I mean experiment with Linux and grapple the bootstrap

#249 (+|-) (Rated: -114)
<.'Trivia_Bot> 2. Useless Trivia: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a ---------- for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
<.'Trivia_Bot> Here's a hint, fa__
<.Vista> fart
<.'Trivia_Bot> Winner: Vista Answer: fart Time: 29.313 Streak: 1 Points: 1 WPM: 1 Rank: 1st

#254 (+|-) (Rated: -117)
Craig: probably won't look quite as good as the one I had, but it's the taste that matters....not the looks

#253 (+|-) (Rated: -120)
Lol... The ultimate dark mode... Being put under anaesthetic šŸ˜‚

#255 (+|-) (Rated: -135)
Craig: although i'm not bothered if it turns out to be that
Craig: as it doesn't affect me eating or anything
Craig: it's just a lack of feeling in a certain small area
Jamie: ask them whilst there... do they do enlargements for me :)
Jamie: lol
Jamie: brb
Craig: and yes....I AM aware of how dodgy 'a certain small area' sounds;)

#248 (+|-) (Rated: -136)
I've worked on DNS for 20 years, can someone clue me in on this fustercluck?

#246 (+|-) (Rated: -148)
Jamie: lol nice - next time you order something - buy a taser too - so you can zap the delivery driver and take the remaining stock
"Jamie - promoting ethics in society"

#242 (+|-) (Rated: -149)
So, not only will Google know when I have been searching for porn on the internet, it will now also know how fast my hand has been moving immediately afterwards! šŸ¤’šŸ¤’
Not that I ever look for porn on the internet of course....just asking for a friend!

#247 (+|-) (Rated: -152)
I was thinking about making something good for dinner, so I asked the computer...
It was a few moments later that I realised the computer doesn't know how to cook :)

#244 (+|-) (Rated: -154)
Craig: Hopefully this will work
Craig: Yeast... it worked
Craig: Well....almost.. lol
Craig: that was meant to be 'yay'

#251 (+|-) (Rated: -155)
10 PRINT "Question: Are you going to switch to Linux?"
20 PRINT"Reply: No, I've told you this already"
30 PRINT"lol :D"
20 GOTO 10

#237 (+|-) (Rated: -158)
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

#240 (+|-) (Rated: -171)
Jamie: I hope they don't link up the 3.5" floppy lol. There will be no response
Jamie: Controller is knackered

#243 (+|-) (Rated: -192)
Jamie: Can I borrow your VR headset? Cos I would like to see what it's like to mount you virtually :P

#241 (+|-) (Rated: -195)
Ellie Wright: Is there a cow shortage that I'm unaware of?

#245 (+|-) (Rated: -196)
Jamie: It is in realisation that the computer is actually more intelligent than me that I officially will take the base unit to any job interviews and let it do the hard work :)

#97 (+|-) (Rated: -213)
X-LP            ā€¢ Ozafy we're losing that other server of mine
X-LP            ā€¢ ummmm
X-LP            ā€¢ delta!
@DimeCadmium     ā€¢ xD
@DimeCadmium     ā€¢ dont even know its name thar?

#239 (+|-) (Rated: -216)
Jamie: I'd love to link up my 3.5" floppy with a computer, but the conductivity of my skin is not enough.

#36 (+|-) (Rated: -218)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

#118 (+|-) (Rated: -219)
Craig - ChatNSN Radio is back online - http://radio.csc2ya.co.uk:8000;): Message may have not been sent because a timeout occurred:
Mini: its puttin me in time out im not a damn kid
Mini: *pouts*
<SharkTooth> dont even think of qdb'in that

#113 (+|-) (Rated: -225)
Jamie Robinson: Ta for the links luckily it is for someone at work so i dont have to get any viri lol
Craig Turner: lol
Jamie Robinson: Im fed up of viri avast report its own virus definitions update as infected the other day lol

#48 (+|-) (Rated: -226)
<kittense> that's like kiddy porn or something:?
<HolloW> its porn with a baby in it but i wouldnt classify it as kiddy porn
<kittense> i wonder what more people look at
<kittense> the cooter or the baby
<kittense> the baby is much cuter
<kittense> that is one ugly cooter
<HolloW> what is a cooter?
<kittense> you never had a cooter?
<HolloW> i just dont know what it is
<kittense> snatch
<kittense> you know what snatch is?
<HolloW> no
<kittense> poontang?
<HolloW> a word that may exist in the english dictionary?
<kittense> umm
<kittense> pussy?
<kittense> cunt?
<kittense> twat?
<kittense> any of those ring a bell?
<HolloW> got it

#91 (+|-) (Rated: -227)
<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose?  
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water

#182 (+|-) (Rated: -227)
<grapenuts> green, blue, golden piss color... its all the same once it hits your blood, it's all sugar
<grapenuts> Andromeda:  'cept the flesh of a slaughtered cow
<@Andromeda> actually its mostly ginseng
<grapenuts> or pigs
<@Andromeda> which is worse

*I joined the server to see this bizzare conversation*

#195 (+|-) (Rated: -228)
<nemovc>i once found the text strings stored in the bios of my old 286. not far from the standard "Keyboard error, press F1 to continue." message was "CPU not found. System halted."
<nemovc>i always wondered how they intended to display that message

#53 (+|-) (Rated: -229)
<pils> An email from a friend:
<pils> one guy in my office thought the firewall access to the users pc's was
<pils> dependant on the colour of the ethernet cable, so he was hunting for
<pils> the red "high access" cable this morning, to swap it for his yellow
<pils> "normal access" cable.......
<Phil> colour coding cables is one thing
<Phil> that's just insane

#77 (+|-) (Rated: -229)
<sano_> argh
<sano_> i just wrote a backup script
<sano_> and then i overwrote it
<sano_> and i dont have a backup of it

#119 (+|-) (Rated: -229)
<+plat_> "sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds"

#107 (+|-) (Rated: -230)
<Joah> texas
<+Alias> lol
<+Availea> Kentucky
<+Availea> Since we're randomly naming states :P
<+Alias> canada
<+V4mpire> canada is a country
<~clarjon1> confusion
<+Alias> I know
<~clarjon1> confusion, emergency, insanity, panic....
<~clarjon1> since we're naming states.

#111 (+|-) (Rated: -230)
<+Sierra> Marshy: You could try using storage sites like mediaforage and sendspace
<+Sierra> mediafire*
<+Sierra> I have no idea where forage came from

#108 (+|-) (Rated: -231)
Alice Ā«availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) Ā«48 peopleĀ»
Angie` Ā«~Angie_@AbyssNet-7DCD1663.atw.dyn.suddenlink.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) Ā«47 peopleĀ»
Availea Ā«~BinariiAn@Staff.Starfleetirc.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) Ā«46 peopleĀ»
Declawed Ā«~Sharpie@Staff.Starfleetirc.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) Ā«45 peopleĀ»
ā€”I-n-v-i-s-i-o-nā€” Netsplit Detected. Ā«Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.NetĀ»
Alias Ā«~Alias@AbyssNet-D7E100B0.cpe.net.cable.rogers.comĀ» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) Ā«44 peopleĀ»
Edward Ā«availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) Ā«43 peopleĀ»
Bella Ā«availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.netĀ» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) Ā«42 peopleĀ»
<+Gothic_Goddess> oh oh
<+f0rte> o.o
<+Gothic_Goddess> bye bye yall
Availeab (~BinariiAn@D453254D.E802AAAD.D92F8E0C.IP) has joined. Ā«44 peopleĀ»
Availeab (~BinariiAn@D453254D.E802AAAD.D92F8E0C.IP) is now known as Availea
PinkSmurf sets mode: +qo Availea Availea
Alice (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined. Ā«45 peopleĀ»
VJTD3 (VJTD3@ppp203.net267.fl.sprint-hsd.net) has joined. Ā«46 peopleĀ»
Angie` (~Angie_@AbyssNet-7DCD1663.atw.dyn.suddenlink.net) has joined. Ā«47 peopleĀ»
Alias (~Alias@AbyssNet-D7E100B0.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) has joined. Ā«48 peopleĀ»
Edward (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined, but is a Clone of Alice  Ā«49 peopleĀ»
Bella (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined, but is a Clone of Alice & Edward  Ā«50 peopleĀ»
Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net sets mode: +vvv Alias Edward Bella
Declawed (~Sharpie@AbyssNet-2801DE50.surgehost.net) has joined. Ā«51 peopleĀ»
Red-Dragon sets mode: +vvvvv Alice Angie` BlueEyes Declawed VJTD3
<+Gothic_Goddess> wb yall

#238 (+|-) (Rated: -231)
Jamie: lol all those days I used to pound the 3.5" floppy lol

#80 (+|-) (Rated: -233)
<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT 2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am  up 2287 days,  2:52, 25 users,  load average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods

#236 (+|-) (Rated: -233)
Craig: hmmm....thought I was going mad then....forgot how to change who I show up as when liking page poasts..lol
Craig: and wtf is a poast????
Craig: lol

#104 (+|-) (Rated: -234)
<~Availea> WTF?
<~Availea> Did a cat walk across your bf?
<~Availea> fb*
<~Availea> kb*
<~Availea> OMFG

#145 (+|-) (Rated: -234)
<FuzzyFox-Away> A 1 million pound prize was offered to any university who could explain why the end of a mans penis is helmet shaped.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Cambridge concluded it was to give the man more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The university of Oxford concluded it was to give the woman more pleasure.
<FuzzyFox-Away> The 'university' of Glasgow spent the afternoon in the pub and concluded it was to stop your hand slipping off.

#148 (+|-) (Rated: -234)
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate flash?
<+Broxi> more lubricant
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate java?
<+Broxi> give it a push
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate irc?
<+Broxi> drink volvic first, then try
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate mirc?
<+Broxi> Industrial light and magic.
<+forever_delayed> Broxi how do you rate wackychat?
<+Broxi> using the power of greyskull
<+O_O> Broxi how do you rate telnet?
<+Broxi> Try twisting.

#212 (+|-) (Rated: -235)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#55 (+|-) (Rated: -236)
schala: ... youve never had a pap smear.
schala: Let me explain
schala: they make you lay on a cold hospital bed with your legs like whee and then they shove a whoops in your wahoo and make it go zweep and then it goes weeeeeem and then they poke your weebleweebles and then you're done
danni: -Blinks.-
danni: Explain that in ENGLISH?!
schala: I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A METAL CHIP CLIP

#125 (+|-) (Rated: -236)
<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!

#94 (+|-) (Rated: -237)
<Adun|Oblivion> "The ejaculation of a dolphin carries so much force with it, that it could decapitate you."
<ChaosSmurf> You know
<ChaosSmurf> This is why Dolphins are ALWAYS happy
<ChaosSmurf> They're just sitting there going "Yeah, bitches, I can decapitate you with my sperm"